CAN IT EVER BE?
by Kichou
Summary: ONE GODDESS SEARCHES FOR THE YOUKAI WHO CAN GIVE HER THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL... Sess/?
1. Searching

I'M NOT REALLY GOOD AT SUMMARIES.  IF ANY OF YOU DO READ THIS FIC, THE STORY WILL BE BETTER THAN THE SUMMARY.  IT'S ABOUT A GODDESS WHO SEARCHES FOR THE YOUKAI WHO HAS SOMETHING THAT SHE TRULY DESIRES.

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND ENOUGH TO READ MY FANFIC:

*Thank you for taking time out to read this story of mine (which is my first by the way, so please be kind).

*I have only seen five episodes of Inu Yasha (and the episodes I saw were out of order) and I barely know anything about the show except for the information that I gather from websites and stories that I've read.

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

Words in _italics_ are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in **bold** are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts. 

Have fun reading my fanfic!

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter One

(For the first chapter, only Ajika is talking.  Gradually, the other characters will come in during the next chapters of the story).

I don't know why I've been searching for him?  Many would have called me insane for what I was trying to accomplish.  Maybe…maybe I am insane.  Maybe on that night, I lost more than my village, not that that village meant anything to me anyway.  To be truthful, I hated that place.  I hate how it looked.  I hate how it smelled.  And most of all, I hate the people!  Those heartless people!  There was nothing I could do to protect the child.  There was nothing I could do to protect the girl that no one cared for.  Being an angel gave me so much power, yet I couldn't protect those that I chose to protect.  Not to mention, I'm also dead.  After I died from my previous life, the heavens granted me the gift of being the goddess of all goddess, the goddess of all angel and most of all, the goddess of all youkais, yet this gift that was given to me to replace the hardship from my pass did not grant me any happiness.  So that is why I now wonder the southern lands.  The Gods have given me the chance of living on earth with my powers to do whatever that I please, knowing that I would not abuse my powers for my own pleasures.

 This chance that I received, I will use to find the man that now protects this child.  This man, no, this youkai has the girl in whom I grown so fondly of.  This child who knows no hate, who knows no mistrust in those who surround her.  This child who has never even seen my face but whom had such a great part in my heart.  I wanted to be able to protect her like a mother would, but the youkai got to her before I could.

I've been searching for a few months now.  The youkai's group never stayed in one place to long.  By the time I caught their scent in the air, they have already gone.  Surprisingly, I did not hate the youkai at all.  This youkai that struck fear in both humans and youkai alike, had my utmost respect.  He saw what I saw in the child.  He saw the need and the loneliness in her that you cannot help but try to erase.

Sometimes I wonder if it was right to try to get into her life.  She seems so happy with her so-called newfound foster father.  She didn't need a mother.  She never needed me…did she?

Yet I still go in search for them.  Insane?  I'm beginning to agree with them, but if I am to be labeled insane, then I should not disappoint them.  I'll keep on searching for them no matter how long I have to wai-

"That smell!  Is it him?  Can it finally be them?"

So I ran.  I ran to the faint smell of the two youkais and the human.  I ran with all of my speed granted to me by the heavens in search of what I am looking for………………………………love.

*******************I'm sorry.  This chapter must be terrible!  I couldn't sleep so I figured that I would just write what I had in my head for you all to read.  If any of you can, please review and also if you want to, write to my e-mail address.*******************************

*If I don't get any reviews by I guess a month's time, then I won't write anymore.  But if at least a few of you desire for me to write more then I will.  It's the summer.  It's not like I have anything else to do (sob sob).

*I would like at least a few reviews though (hint hint).

NEXT CHAPTER (IF REVIEWED)

-Ajika will finally see THE GIRL and her guardian.

-Feelings will be express (only by Ajika and the girl) in the chapter.

-Lives will be changed.

-Food will finally be cooked well.

-THE GUARDIAN will finally have a "partner" who can actually fight well in the group.

-Hairs will fly (and it is not due to any battles along the way).

-Mothers will lose their daughters and fathers will lose their money (not really).

-I will make the chapter longer if you like!

-PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	2. Found Them!

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND ENOUGH TO READ MY FANFIC:

*Thank you for taking time out to read this story of mine (which is my first by the way, so please be kind).

*I have only seen five episodes of Inu Yasha (and the episodes I saw were out of order) and I barely know anything about the show except for the information that I gather from websites and stories that I've read.

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

Words in _italics_ are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in **bold** are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts. 

Have fun reading my fanfic!

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter Two ~ Found Them!

_She was close, very close.  Her scent was surrounded by what seem to by flowers and HIM.  What would she do when she sees me?  Would she run, would she hide, would she call him?  My footsteps were quieter and slower until I completely stopped a few feet away from her._

_What was I to say?  She never even knew me, yet I come to take her back.  I would probably frighten her.  She is just a child who knew only pain: a child who grew up alone._

_She looked lonely by herself.  Although there was a smile on her face, her eyes showed me that inside her heart was a different story._

_She is facing me, but cannot see me due to the darkness that surrounds the forest.  I gaze around me and sniff the area to see if He was around.  I found his scent a few miles away.  He was probably hunting down other youkais' that posed a threat to the girl._

_I scan my surroundings once again to find the toad.  By his scent trail, it seems that he followed his master from a distances.  Was he not supposed to be here to protect her?_

_ I stood at this spot for minutes, yet the toad does not come back to attack?_

_As I was thinking of this, I hear a growl from where the girl sat.  I smile, knowing that it was her stomach, not a youkai who was growling._

_I walked slowly towards her.  She does not look up from her spot.  As I neared, I coughed to get the child's attention.  She looks up at me.  She is frightened, but it was probably due to the fact that she could not see me.  I walked away, gathering sticks and wood to make a fire.  As I lit it with my powers, the girl's fear of me disappeared.  I looked up at her and was surprised to see that she was looking at me with knowing eyes._

_She gets up from her spot on the ground and kneels beside me.  _"Does Rin know you, pretty lady?"

_I shook my head.  "_We have never met, little one."

_When I spook, she gave me a startled look.  I did not know how to react to this.  _"Your voice.  It sounds like the one Rin use to hear in Rin's dreams.  The voice that always came to sooth Rin when Rin had nightmares."

How could I not remember those dreams?  Those dreams that were of her family's death, her nightly beatings from the villagers and her fear of loneliness.  I actually cried for her.  I cried, knowing how she felt.  We both had similar fears, yet the one thing that we feared the most was not physical pain, but emotional ones.

_She was a copy of me.  Her personality, her curiosity and her pain were all the same as mine.  We both fear loneliness.  We both fear being abandoned.  We both fear not having loved.  Maybe that is why I loved her so much.  I wanted for her to have what I did not when I was alive in my first life.  I wanted for her to love, and not end up like me…dead and abandon._

_Her dreams were simple to ease.  I created images of flowers and warmth for her to grab.  I temporarily erase the horrid dreams that plagued her.  I sent my warmth to her through her dreams, making myself an invisible being, holding her and singing to her so that she would calm down._

I looked up at her with a smile on my face.  "Do you think that that voice belongs to me, child?"

She smiles and hugs me from my side.  I realized what she was doing.  She wanted to see if the warmth of my presences is the same as the dream.  I raised my arms and hugged her tight.  I can sense that she was smiling with her gap tooth mouth.

"And who might you be," said a masculine voice.

I turned and stared at the man who was taking care of Rin.  I was shocked by his presences.  From what I heard of him, I would think that his face would show the blackness of his soul, but from what I saw now, his face showed no signs of evil.

He had long, silver hair that reached the back of his thighs.  He was dress in white with red designs with his boa draped over his shoulder.  His face was emotionless, however, he showed no distaste about my presence.

He looked annoyed for a while, and that is when I realized that I did not answer his question.  As I was about to open my mouth to reply, Rin ran quickly to him and grabbed his legs.

"Welcome back, Sesshoumaru-sama!"

He patted her head as a reply.  He looked at Rin as if asking her who I was, since he knew that I was not going to attack them.

She looked at him to reply, but then she looked confused.

I just remembered that I did not tell her what my name was.

"My name is Ajika.  I was just talking to the child, noting more."

Rin smiled at my name.  "Ajika.  Rin likes that name.  Can Rin call you Okasan (mother)?"

I notice that Sesshoumaru raise his eyebrow at Rin's question.

I had to grin for her innocent question.  I would have said the same thing if I was in her shoes.

As I was going to reply, Sesshoumaru cut me off.

"Do you know this woman, Rin?"

"Hai!  She is Rin's angel!"

I didn't think it would be possible, but Sesshoumaru's eyebrow went even higher than before.

"Angel is she?  Why do you say that, Rin?"

"Cause she was there for Rin in all of her bad dreams!  She protected Rin when Rin couldn't stop the dreams from hurting Rin!"

He stares at me and walked to where I stood.  He sniffs and sniffs until he could label my scent into his mind.  He looked at me for what seemed like years and stood with his arms cross.

"You are the one that kept on trying to track this Sesshoumaru."

"…Hai," I said quietly.

"I was beginning to wonder when you would catch up to me.  That is quite impressive, since no one is able to catch my scent until I have left for weeks from his or her territory.  You, however, caught my scent minutes from when I left the area. "

He stared at me for a while.  I was surprised to she that he was not glaring at me.  He moved away from me and stood near the fire that I made.  "Did you build the fire?"

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"I ask because I wish to know, wench.  You nor anyone else are to question me," he said in a growling voice.

"Forgive me.  I just wanted to know because you seem shock that I made the fire."

He turned his head and looked at me once again.  "You are not human, yet you are not a hanyou or a youkai.  What are you?"

I'm surprised that he knew that I was not any of those beings.  His skills are phenomenal if he can detect that I am different from those he is use to.  "You are correct, Lord Sesshoumaru.  I am the goddess of all goddesses…among other things (it's in the first chapter in case you forgot)."

"I see.  You are attach to the girl, aren't you?"

I stared at him.  How did he know of how I felt.  All I did was hug her when he came.

"Yes, I am."

He glanced at the moon and then he stared at me.  He leaned down and grabbed a clump of dirt and threw it at the fire to put it out.

The forest was now completely dark, however, Ajika and Sesshoumaru could see their surroundings clearly due to their special abilities.

"Come.  You are to pick up the girl and walk with me."

I was stunned.  He asked me to follow him and he knows nothing about me.  As I was about to reply, he cut me off once again.

"Do not ask questions about insignificant things.  Do as I say and come with me, no questions ask."

He walked to some trees and left us both behind.  It was not difficult for me to find him.  His scent was quite different from other youkais' and hanyous.  He smelled of…he smelled of…masculinity.  It was...the scent that can only be describe as "Sesshoumaru."

As we neared his home, he turned to me and stared.  I felt uneasy for a couple of minutes, but it left when he turned back.  We walked on his lawn and headed straight for his castle.  It was then that I notice that the toad was nowhere to be found.

"Lord Sesshoumaru?"

"…Hai?"

"Where is that toad that follows you?"

"I…put him to "sleep" in the forest after he didn't obey my command."

I knew by "sleep," that he meant kill since the toad did not stay to protect the little girl.  I sighed and glanced at my surroundings.  His castle is truly breathtaking.  There were flowers everywhere and his home was absolutely clean.

"Okasan?  Are you staying with Rin and Sesshoumaru-sama?"

I turn to stare at Sesshoumaru, but he was not paying any attention to his adopted daughter or me.  What was I to say to her?  I did not know why I was in the castle.  I was supposed to hide in the darkness of night and try to communicate with her, not stay at their home!

"For now I will stay with you, Rin."  I stare at his back and see him leave the entrance floor.  "We will just have to see for how long."

Thanks for the review!


	3. Getting Comfortable

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND ENOUGH TO READ MY FANFIC:

*Thank you for taking time out to read this story of mine (which is my first by the way, so please be kind).

*I have only seen five episodes of Inu Yasha (and the episodes I saw were out of order) and I barely know anything about the show except for the information that I gather from websites and stories that I've read.

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

Words in _italics_ are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in **bold** are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts. 

Have fun reading my fanfic!

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter Three ~ Getting Comfortable

Sesshoumaru left us at the entrance door without a glance at our direction.  It didn't surprise me that he would ignore us.  This is Sesshoumaru that we are talking about here.  It is not as if I expected him to say "welcome to my home" and give me a hug.  If he did that, I would have been disturbed.  He did not act or look like the type to show a great deal of affection to anyone. 

When I looked down to my side, I notice that Rin was not there by my anymore.  I, however, did not worry at this.  This is Sesshoumaru-sama's home and no one was foolish enough to enter uninvited.  Rin is safe here by herself.

_I could smell Sesshoumaru in the study.  He was probably relaxing after his battle today.  It surprised me that this warrior had only a few desires in his life.  One was the sword, but he gave up on that after he made a better one for himself.  The other was killing Naraku.  You would think that this demon lord would want to expand his land to the other territories, yet he had no desire to do so.  It was strange considering history and all.  All the lords wanted more land, more power, but Sesshoumaru did not.  It was probably do to his ego.  He felt that he is already a powerful demon.  He is please with the land that he already has; yet he doesn't want more._

_I cannot label Sesshoumaru as a power hungry demon because he is not, but I cannot call him a harmless demon either, since he is far from it._

_Sesshoumaru is the type of person that you cannot put a label on.  There is no word that can best describe him.  Some call him perfect, yet he is not.  Some call him an evil demon, but some of his actions say otherwise.  Some call him trouble, yet he does not attack you unless he has good reason to.  So what is really?_

_My head is starting to hurt.  The more I think, the more my thoughts refer back to the demon lord._

_I stare outside the door to find Rin among the flowers, laughing and playing.  She is making a necklace out of the flowers; a task that I never learned how to do.  She looks up and beckons me to walk towards her.  When I reached her, she puts the necklace on my head instead of my neck._

"Okasan looks like more of an angel than before!"

I smile at her.  She always seem to make me smile.  Angel she said.  I didn't feel like an angel.  I didn't feel like anything at all, but if she wanted for me to be her angel, than an angel I would be.

She walks behind me and touches my back as if in search of something.  When she finishes, she walks back in front of me with a cute pout on her face.

"Okasan doesn't have wings."

I was shocked at first.  It must have been her assumption that I was an angel for her to think that I have wing.  I guess she will be happy when she finds out that I do have wings, since I am a goddess of the angels.

"Sweet pea, I do have wings.  I'm just hiding them when I don't use them."

_Her pout went away and she gave me a cute little goofy smile.  _"Rin wants to see!  Rin wants to see okasan's wings!"

I stood up and closed my eyes.  I could feel Rin watching me as I moved my hands in front of me.  I moved my hands slowly forwards, and quickly folded my arms and brought them back to me in front of my chess.  With a bright light, my wings escaped from my shoulder blades to flutter beautifully on my back.  I open my eyes and looked down at Rin.  She had the most adorable face I have ever seen.  She had her small hands under her chin and eyes that sparkle with each breath that she took.

"Okasan looks so purty!  Rin wants wings too!  Rin wants to fly!  Can Okasan fly?  Birds have wings and they fly.  Can Okasan fly?"

I didn't answer her questions.  I just took her in my arms and began to fly upwards.  I can hear Rin giggling beside me.  It was odd that she was surprised to be up in the air.  She road on that two headed demon all the time, but maybe it was my wings that fascinated her, not the height that we were in.

_We flew around for a while.  When it got dark, he went back to the castle to get dinner.  As we were in the entrance, I remembered that Sesshoumaru did not tell me what room was where.  Honestly, that demon has no manners._

_I see Rin run to the double doors to the right, so I followed her.  As I entered, she was seated next to someone at the end of the table.  As I looked at Rin's right, I finally notice that she was sitting next to Sesshoumaru._

"It took you long enough to get here.  I was waiting."

He pointed to the seat to his right, directing me on where I should sit.  I was surprised that he would allow me to sit that close to him, but I did not tell him that.  I sat down and sniff the air for a while.

"By the scent in the room, I know that you only waited for a few short minutes, Sesshoumaru-sama."

_He stared at me, his face unreadable.  _"One second is one second too long for this Sesshoumaru to wait."

I looked away.  He had this spell on me every time we are near each other.  His voice is so sexy and deep (just the way I like it).  His eyes are clear and beautifully colored amber.  And his body is well muscled.  Who wouldn't be distracted by him?

I can feel his gaze on me.  Was he trying to read my expression?  Was he wondering what I was thinking?

The door to the kitchen open to reveal the green toad carrying a tray of food.  As if reading my mind, Sesshoumaru looked at me to explain why the toad was here instead of in the forest, dead.

"It's hard to find a good servant these days.  I guess the ugly toad has some uses to me."

I see now.  He didn't want to get his fingers dirty with household chores so he revived his servant to do the domestic work.  I notice that the toad was giving me an odd stare.

"What are you looking at?"

"Who are you wench!  How dare you sit by-"

He was cut off by Sesshoumaru-sama.

"She is here because I invited her.  Jaken, put the food and serve it to the both of them before I get angry."

"But my lord, she is-"

Sesshoumaru turned his head slowly to where Jaken was.

"You dare disobey this Sesshoumaru?"

The toad swallowed nervously.  I actually felt sorry for the small youkai.  Although he is rude, he is truly loyal to his master.  You have to respect a servant who will follow his master to the ends of the world.

Jaken put the tray down and began to serve the three.  When he was finish, he began to leave, so I stopped him.

"Jaken, aren't you going to come and eat with us?"

Jaken and Sesshoumaru seemed surprised at my statement.  Rin didn't react due to the fact that she was focus on eating her dinner.  Sesshoumaru glance at me with a questioning look.  I returned his gaze and explained why I asked.

"He seems to be hungry and tired so of course I thought that it would be easier for him to just eat here."

The two youkais continued to stare at me as if I grew another head.  When I didn't glance away, Sesshoumaru surprisingly agreed with me.

"If it will allow me to eat and not have to converse anymore then I guess I will allow it."

Jaken looked as though he was giving a badge by Sesshoumaru.  He glance my way and after a while, he gave me a nod as if saying that I earned his respect.  When I began to eat, Jaken sat down beside Rin.

The room was disturbingly quiet but no one except I notice it.

I had a feeling that Sesshoumaru was staring at me a few times, but I just told myself that it was just my imagination since I am so infatuated by him.

I notice that I would steal glances at him, but when he looked up, I would quickly look away.  When he did not say anything, I felt that he probably did not notice how I was ogling him.

When we all finish dinner, I was about to clear the table until Sesshoumaru's arm reached out and grabbed my wrist.

"What do you think you are doing, wench?"

"I was just going to clear the table.  What is the problem with that?"

He release my arm but held me down with his eyes.

"You shouldn't do those type of chores."

I looked at him oddly.

"Why not?"

"Just do as I say."

He left the dining area and went outside to get some fresh air.

I felt a tug on my kimono and looked down at my beloved, adopted daughter.

"Can Rin sleep with okasan tonight?"

"Did you already bathe?"

"Rin bathe!  Rin bathe!"

"Alright, sweet pea.  You can sleep with me.  Do you know where my room is?"

She shook her head.  Well, this is another issue that the demon lord did not make clear since I came.

"I'll sleep in your room then, honey pie."

We both walked up the stairs and towards the bathroom to brush our teeth with our fingers and do our private business.  We then walked through many halls to get to her bedroom.  I was surprise at how beautiful and large her bedroom is.  It was fit for a queen.

We walked to where her futon (Japanese style bed) is and laid down on it.  She snuggled against my side and fell asleep.  I turned my head to kiss her temple. I stroke her hair and put the blankets securely around her so that she won't get cold.

 I felt content.  I felt loved, but there was something that is still missing.  Something that I cannot put my finger on.  I just wonder what it is that I am missing.

I looked out the window beside us and see the moon shining brightly.  After listening to the wind for a while I fell asleep, not knowing that Sesshoumaru was standing in the shadows watching us the whole time.


	4. While They Sleep Sess POV

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND ENOUGH TO READ MY FANFIC:

*Thank you for taking time out to read this story of mine (which is my first by the way, so please be kind).

*I have only seen five episodes of Inu Yasha (and the episodes I saw were out of order) and I barely know anything about the show except for the information that I gather from websites and stories that I've read.

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

Words in _italics_ are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in **bold** are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts. 

Have fun reading my fanfic!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warning!  I've noticed that when I put my fic in italics, some of them do not show.  I'm sorry if the story gets confusing due to the problem, however, if you read carefully you can tell who is saying/thinking the statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the reviews!

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter Four ~ While They Sleep (Sess P.O.V.)

"You shouldn't do those type of chores."

She looked at me oddly.  I can see the questions that are brewing inside that little head of hers.  It took her no time to question me further.

"Why not?"

"Just do as I say."

_Not up to more conversation with this strange woman, I left the dining area to get some much-needed air.  I felt it quite odd to leave her presence just because I didn't feel like talking to her.  For the first time in my whole life, I ran away in fear that my opponent would not stop attacking me with questions._

_She reminded me of a woman that I loved so long ago; a woman who loved me as much as I loved her; a woman whose beauty is equal to Ajika.  The very same woman that left me behind, taking that love away from me…my mother._

_My mother was quiet, but she was very affectionate.  She would always be there for me when I felt like a failure after a battle with father.  She was always there to tell me what I was doing wrong so that I could make them right.  She was always there to take away my loneliness when I was by myself.  She was always there.  My mother's nature seem to be the very same of Ajika's._

_Maybe that is why I accepted her so easily.  She was a mixture of the two women whom I completely adore; my mother and my adopted daughter._

_There is also something mysterious about her.  Her aura seems to be different from her body.  Although she is kind and loving, her aura says something different about her real emotions.  There was a hint of sadness in her aura, but her face and body do not show it._

_Is that why I accepted her, because she was stronger than many beings that I had ever encountered, including my own father?_

_Emotions are difficult to hide.  Naraku lives with his hate for others; Inu Yasha lives for his love of Kikyo and Kagome; and I use to live for the desire of obtaining that sword that Inu Yasha holds.  Even though the emotion does not appear on the face, the body or our actions would show it.  She, however, shows no sadness at all._

_Although my face is in its usual mask, my desire for the sword could be easily detected, but Ajika's sorrow could not be found.  Her aura is masking the sadness very strongly, but being a very skillful youkai, I could detect it, but it was still difficult to find it._

_She is an enigma to me.  Her strength, her secrets and her true personality are hidden quite well from me, and I will not stop until I uncovered them all._

_I begin to walk back to the castle to go to my study when I heard the two girls enter the bathroom.  I stood at the stairway gazing at the hallway that lead to my study and suddenly found the task tiresome so I walked to Rin's room instead._

_As I entered, I notice that the room was pitch black.  Rin and I do not like to have candles lit in her room due to the last incident a few months ago._

FLASHBACK 

**"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  Sesshomaru-sama!  Sesshoumaru-sama!  Come quick," Jaken screamed.  He ran through the many hallways to reach Sesshoumaru's study since he knew that his master fell asleep in there.**

**As he was about to let out another scream, he slammed into a stonewall.  Well, he assumes it was a wall, but actually it was Sesshoumaru.  He notices that Sesshoumaru was glaring at him.**

**_I was already up from the first scream that the toad bellowed.  I glared at him to stop him from screaming again, but I then notice the smell of smoke coming from Rin's bedroom._**

****

**_My heart is pounding from my fear that she was hurt.  Each step that I took seems to take forever.  As I reached her door, I found it lock.  It didn't take much for me to break it down with my shoulder.  The sight was horrifying.  The walls and the carpet are burning due to the candle that dropped on the floor.  I notice that the bed was still fireless so I yelled for the servants to fetch water._**

****

**_As they put it out, I quickly walked to Rin to see if she was okay.  What I saw completely astounded me.  I was shocked for the first time in my whole life.  I could only stand there and look at her from the surprise.  I saw…I saw…I saw her SLEEPING!_**

****

**_Her arms were stretched out like she was flying and her blankets were flung aside.  I come to realize that the candle did not drop, but that Rin had clearly hit it off of her table while she was sleeping._**

****

**_While she was sleeping, she did not notice the fire.  She did not notice the heat in the room.  She did not notice me breaking down her door.  She did not notice the servants yelling.  She did not notice the loud footsteps in her room and she did not notice that I have been staring and eventually leaning over her for the past half hour!_**

****

**_After another minute, Sleeping Beauty finally decides to wake up.  She looked confused at first, but then she stares at her room and opens her eyes wide from the damage.  She stares at me and asks me a question that shocked me even further._**

****

**_"Sesshoumaru-sama, what did you do to Rin's room?"_**

****

END FLASHBACK 

Needless to say, we both agreed that candles are not to be left in her room.

I wanted to erase the darkness that was in here, so I opened the drapes instead of lighting a candle.  It is a very clear night tonight.  The moon is truly the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen in my life.****

I hear footsteps outside the door, so I stood in the shadows and hid my aura so that Ajika could not detect me.

I see Rin come in and stand beside the futon, waiting for Ajika to enter.  I knew that she would sleep with Rin, since I did not tell her where her room is.

She lays on the futon and Rin automatically goes to her side and sleeps.  I later see Ajika kiss Rin's temple like my mother use to do to me.  While she stroke Rin's hair and covers her with the blanket, I notice how she looked different.  Her face did not hide her emotions this time.  She looked like she wanted to find something, but I do not know what it is that she is looking for.

I see her gaze out the window and I notice how the moonlight covered her body in a lovely glow.

Correction, the most beautiful that I have ever seen in my entire life is not the moon, but the being that is laying beside my daughter right now.

When I hear her even breathing indicating that she is asleep, I slip from the shadows and out the door.  Before closing it, I gaze once again at the two sleeping figures.  Possessiveness is beginning to flow in my veins and I know better than to go against my instincts.

A being would only get possessive when something important is attain, and seeing that the "possessions" have to do with Rin and Ajika, well I wouldn't have it any other way.

With one last glance, I close the door and head to not only my bedroom, but to the future as well.


	5. Only Time Will Tell Sess POV

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND ENOUGH TO READ MY FANFIC:

*Thank you for taking time out to read this story of mine (which is my first by the way, so please be kind).

*I have only seen five episodes of Inu Yasha (and the episodes I saw were out of order) and I barely know anything about the show except for the information that I gather from websites and stories that I've read so there might be slight OOC.

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

Words in _italics_ are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in **bold** are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts. 

Have fun reading my fanfic!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warning!  I've noticed that when I put my fic in italics, some of them do not show.  I'm sorry if the story gets confusing due to the problem, however, if you read carefully you can tell who is saying/thinking the statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the reviews!

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter Five ~ Only Time Will Tell (Sess P.O.V.)

It was now lunchtime and the two girls have still not awakened.  It was sort of shocking due to the fact that those two slept early the night before so I don't quite understand why they are still sleeping.

_Now I sit in the dining room, waiting for their stomachs to wake them, but seeing as though their stomachs failed them for breakfast, I might as well wake them myself._

_I stand from my chair, looking at the now cold food that is on the table.  This will not do.  Those two need warm food to satisfy their taste buds._

"Jaken!  Warm the food up before I come back!"

_I see the toad run in from the kitchen to bow low before me.  _"Yes, my lord.  Your humble servant will do your bidding.  I will make sure that the food is hot, the table is reset, the-"

"Just warm the food!  This Sesshoumaru has no time to listen to you rant!"

I walked to the doors and head for the stairs.  Although Jaken is a loyal servant to me, he can talk as much as Rin.  At least with her, she knew when to stop talking.  Jaken, however, needs to keep his vocabulary to either one to two words.  This Sesshoumaru will be quite please with that.

Finding Rin's room was not hard.  Her bedroom is across from mine, and Ajika's room will be to the right of hers, however, once we are mated, she will be sharing her presence with this mighty youkai.

I can barely stop the chuckle from escaping my mouth.  Truly, I have never been this…happy in all my life.

I stand in front of the door thinking of life so far.  Thinking of what I felt last night observing the two.  This warm feeling inside me is not unpleasant, but it is foreign to me.

I'm starting to get hungry.  It was strange since I ate last night.  Youkai only need to once in a few months but today, I feel hungry again.  Youkai's don't have to eat as much as humans, but they still have to eat once in a while just like they have to sleep every five years or so.

This Sesshoumaru is tired of waiting.  Waking them is the only fastest way of me getting back to the food.

I open the door and stood still for the sight that beholds me.

There on the futon are Rin and Ajika in the most awkward position for sleeping.  When I left this room yesterday night, Ajika was laying on her back with Rin on the crook of her arm.  Today, Ajika lay on her left side with her head on her arm.  Rin, however, is another story.  Yes, she still lay next to Ajika, but it wasn't in the position that she was in yesterday.  She had her small foot on Ajika's face, which didn't seem to bother Ajika at the moment.  Rin is lying on her stomach, her face pressed against the floor next to Ajika's legs.  She had her arms wrapped around one of Ajika's thighs in a death grip. Those are definitely nice soft looking thighs to this Sesshoumaru.   Both seem to not mind the odd position.

They both are truly one of the same.

I heard three growls in the room and decided to finally wake the two sleeping beauties up.

Reaching over them, I was about to shake Rin's shoulder until a hand grabbed me and flipped me out the opened window.  Being Sesshoumaru, I easily twisted my body and landed on the tree next to the window.

I was shocked, but it went away before it could be shown on my face.  As I looked back inside the room, there stood Ajika in her under robe staring at me in surprise.

"Gomen nasai, Sesshoumaru sama!  I didn't think when I threw you out the window.  I just reacted when I saw something leaning over Rin."

I am quite amused at her apologies.  She shouldn't feel bad for trying to protect Rin from what she thought was a threat.  Being half asleep usually clouds your judgment.

I stared at her and feel that warmth inside me once again.  I couldn't also help seeing other things due to her almost transparent under robe.  She must have forgotten that the under robe is made to be worn with the sleeping kimono, but who was I to tell her what to wear when she sleeps.  Truly, the look fitted her.  Of course, only this Sesshoumaru is allowed to see her this way.

As I once again look at her, I notice that she had a questioning look on her face.  That is when I realized that I didn't answer to her apology.  "Ah.  Don't worry about it."

She relaxed and went back to Rin.

I come back inside and notice that Rin is in the same sleeping position as before.  When Ajika threw me, she must have gracefully escaped from Rin's grasp without disturbing her and threw me out the window.

Once again, I find myself surprised, but also I felt pride as well.  Naturally a future mate of the Lord of the Western Lands will have a graceful yet skillful queen.

She ticked Rin's nose, which woke the child up.  Again I'm surprised.  This child is the same child that did not wake during the candle incident, but her comes Ajika with a finger on top of Rin's nose and she wakes!  Truly this woman is amazing.

"Now that you two are up, why don't we finally have lunch."

The girls looked shocked from what I said.  Did I say something wrong?"

"Lunch?  What happen to breakfast"

I inwardly smiled at Ajika.  She didn't even realize that breakfast pass a few hours ago.

"Breakfast is supposed to be for morning.  Lunch is usually served at noon."

The girls nodded, realizing that they slept though half of the day.  I walked out of the room, knowing that the girls would probably want to take a quick bath before lunch.

I head back to the dining room and see Jaken bring in the last food that he is supposed to warm up.  I notice that there were only three dishes set on the table (yes, Jaken eats with them from now on).

"Jaken.  Set a plate for me as well."

Jaken looked shocked but said nothing of what he was feeling.  Obeying his master, he set a few plates and a goblet in front of Sesshoumaru.  After about a few minutes, the girls came in and sat next to Sesshoumaru.

They started to eat in silence.  While Ajika eats with perfect table manners, Rin and Jaken are shoving food into their mouths.  I cannot blame Rin for her table manners.  This Sesshoumaru does not eat much, so the only person she is with when she is eating is Jaken.  This must be changed.

I stare at Ajika to notice that she is staring at Rin and Jaken as well.

"Sweet pea, how about later I teach you about table manners."

Rin looks up at her and smiles.  "Does Rin need table manners?"

"Yes," we both said.

"Okay!  Rin will do it for okasan (mommy) and otousan (daddy)!"

I smile at this, while Ajika blushes.  She is truly beautiful in any emotion that she shows on her face.  This Sesshoumaru would like to see any other faces that she might show during other…activities.

I look back at Rin and notice that she is trying to copy Ajika's eating habits.  She is always adorable when she tries to make me happy.

I can feel a pair of eyes on me.  As I turn to look at Ajika, she turns her head back to her food.  I grin ever so slightly at this.  It seems that I'm not the only on infatuated by someone.  Of course, who would like the look of this Sesshoumaru?

"We are all done now Sesshoumaru sama.  Rin and I will leave and start practicing our table manners, won't we honey pie?"

"Yes!  Rin wants to be just like okasan, then Rin can be an angel too!"

"Aw, pumpkin, you are already an angel."

They both left after waving at me.  I have chosen the right woman to be my mate.  She is not only attractive and graceful, but skillful and caring as well.  Just like my mother.

I am truly blessed.  Three girls were sent to take the pain away from me, since I was a pup to now.  My mother came first, then Rin and now Ajika.

Although my okasan is gone, the other two will fill her place.  They both have a lot of love to give.  It is just my luck that I happen to be the one that they are willing to give that love to.  Rin has already shown me her love by staying with me and doing things that please me so I can be a prideful father. Ajika, once she knows that she is soon to be mine, will have to show me her love in more ways than one.  First will be emotionally, then spiritually and then, my absolute favorite, physically as well.

I cannot wait till this happens.

I cannot wait at all.


	6. Remembering

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND ENOUGH TO READ MY FANFIC:

*Thank you for taking time out to read this story of mine (which is my first by the way, so please be kind).

*I have only seen five episodes of Inu Yasha (and the episodes I saw were out of order) and I barely know anything about the show except for the information that I gather from websites and stories that I've read so there might be slight OOC.

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

Words in _italics_ are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in **bold** are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts. 

Have fun reading my fanfic!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warning!  I've noticed that when I put my fic in italics, some of them do not show.  I'm sorry if the story gets confusing due to the problem, however, if you read carefully you can tell who is saying/thinking the statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the reviews!

**Sorry for the late update.  I was busy due to personal family issues.  I hope you like the fic!  Remember, the only time that the chapter is mentioning Sesshoumaru's point of view is when I put Sess P.O.V. in the title.  The rest will be Ajika's point of view.  Oh, I notice that I never mention how Ajika looked.  Well, she has long black hair that reaches her knees.  She has one blue eye and one green eye and she also has the same color skin as Sesshoumaru.  She is thin and she reaches to Sesshoumaru's shoulder.  Anyway, have a nice time reading my fic.**

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter Six ~ 

The sun is beginning to set.  Rin and I have been out here in the garden for a few hours now.  She seems to not understand that putting peas in you nose is unacceptable in society. It took me one hour to convince her that Sesshoumaru would not be pleased with her if she kept on doing it.  Of course, she was hesitant because so far Sesshoumaru did not say he was displeased when she ate with him that way…I have to remember to kill that youkai once I see him again.

_I feel that she must have taught herself this trick, since Jaken does not seem to have nostrils to put peas in.  The funny thing about this issue is that she would not stop doing it unless I tried it myself._

_As I look at her now, sitting in the field of flowers inside the garden, I cannot help but feel pride flow in my veins.  She actually convinced me to put peas in my nose and shot it back out at her!  We tried hitting each other by doing this "technique".  Although I had fun, I probably wont do this again unless Rin and I are alone.  I just hope that Sesshoumaru did not see us doing this.  He would probably be disgusted with the both of us._

_After the last hours, Rin finally learned how to be a complete lady when it comes to eating, however, I told her to only do this when we had company.  I do not want her to feel that she has to be someone else in her own home.  In my eyes, she is already perfect, but I know that other people will deem her unfit in society.  At least she can be herself when it is only Jaken, Sesshoumaru and I around her._

_I get up from where I leaned on the tree to go to my little honey pie (the girl, not the food).  She glances up at me and gives me her trademark smile.  I pick her up in my arms and hold her tight against me.  She rubs her cheek against mine and giggles at me._

_As we walk back towards the castle, I can't help but notice how Rin reminded me of someone that I know, someone who I took care of long ago._

_I can still remember her._

**_It was long ago that we both met.  She was truly beautiful.  She had so much grace and beauty that I envied her the first time I saw her, however that soon disappeared when I looked in the eyes that so resembled my own.  She did not have the same eye color as me, but the same inner look.  Many people say that you can see a person's soul just by looking in their eyes and I know for sure that her eyes is exactly like mine.  I didn't notice my surroundings at the time; all I did notice was her.  She was dying.  Dying from the pain in her heart._**

****

**_When I smelled her, I could detect a disease in her body.  It was because of this disease that she was dying, but I knew that that was not all.  From her smell, I could detect the smell of sadness also.  The pain that was hurting her the most was betrayal.  Her heart could not take the knowledge of the betrayal.  That was why I sat next to her.  That is why I held her hand while she was dying.  We both had an understanding, a bond with each other.  In those few seconds, we couldn't let each other go._**

****

**_When her breathing stopped, her spirit came to me.  She is the definition of true innocence.  As I let go of her hand, I looked in back of me to see her ghostly form.  I notice now that we are in the forest near a lake surrounded by moonlight._**

****

I get up from the body and go to her.  Her youkai eyes just look at me with no emotion.  When I reached her, she moves her arm and points to the body.

****

"As you can see, my body is now lifeless, however, the pain will not leave me.  Although your presence before my death helped me forget, now I can only remember."

She puts her arm back down beside her and walks toward her body.  Her eyes look towards the mountains a few miles away from where we stand.  Even though it was dark, I could see how her eyes soften with both sadness and love.

****

"I live over there in the mountains.  I knew that the end was coming for me.  I couldn't bear for my family to see me suffer so I left an hour ago to die out here.  You saw how I was.  The pain in my heart could clearly be seen in my eyes.  I didn't want my child to see it.  To see me in such a weaken state.  So I left.  Now I don't think that I did the right thing.  Being abandon is no better then seeing your mother die (she is talking about what her child would feel when he wakes up and see her gone)."

She stares at me with a pleading look in her eyes.

****

"I must ask you to do me one big favor.  Would you bring my body back home?  They would only think that I died in my sleep with no pain or suffering.  That is the only gift that I can give to my child.  Please.  So he would know that I was always there for him.  So he would know that I did not abandon him.  That is the only gift left to give."

I nodded.  This is truly a woman who adored her child, even in death.  We both left, her leading the way.  We went in the castle and I laid her body on the bed.  When we left, we could hear a few servants outside of the bedroom door.  It will only be a matter of minutes before they found the body.

****

**_Once we were back to where I found her, she asked me if I would erase my own memory of where the castle was.  I agreed.  I did not need another painful burden on my soul._**

****

**_She looked at me.  I knew that she was to come with me from now on.  This woman who is much older than me.  I needed to ask her her name.  _**"**What is your name?"  I said.**

"Hitomi."__

_Rin was staring at me now.  She must have saw how loss in thought I was._

"Sweet pea, did I tell you that you look like my obasan (aunt)?"

"Okasan has an obasan?  Is she pretty like okasan?"

"She is not really my obasan.  It's like how you are my daughter.  Anyway, she is very beautiful.  Much more beautiful than your okasan."

"Wow!  She must be the great holy angel lady of the world!"

I smile at this.  She has such a lively imagination.

"Maybe one day you will meet her."

We both finally reach the castle and went up to our rooms.  Rin wanted me to stay in her room, but I knew that she needed to learn how to sleep by herself.  After a bedtime story and a goodnight kiss, I went to my room. 

I didn't smell Sesshoumaru when we came back.  He must be out hunting or training.  Speaking of training, I have done that in a while.  I must remember to train tomorrow or my skills in fighting will lack.

_As I laid on my futon, I can only think of my obasan._

_After meeting her, I asked her to stay with me in heaven so that I can help her heal inside.  Once she was happy again, which took years, we got so close to one another.  She still remembered her little child, but she knew that she could do nothing to go back to earth._

_When I left to go to earth, she was sad, yet understanding to my needs.  She knew how much I loved Rin, probably as much as she loved her own child.  Being that she is only a youkai, she could not see the images that I saw about the world and I did not tell her of who I was looking after and what I saw because it was against heavenly rules to do that._

_So when I left, I could not help but feel sad.  I was leaving behind the first person that cared for me.  There was nothing that I could do._

_Being of such innocence, she would probably get her wish to come back one day.  Only those who are pure of heart get another chance and I know that my obasan would._

_I'm very tired now.  I should just sleep. Morning will come soon._

"Okasan.  Okasan!  OKASAN!"

That child sure has a voice on her.

"Rin, dear, okasan is awake."

I open my eyes to see my daughter leaning over me.  By the look of her, I can tell that when she woke up, she went straight to me instead of to the bathroom.

"Pumpkin, why don't you go and brush you hair and teeth, while I get our clothes to take a bath."

"Okay, okasan!  You brush you teeth too!  Just because you're bigger don't mean you don't have too!"

"Ha ha ha.  I know honey.  Now go now before Jaken comes in and yell again."

She leaves and I begin to get our clothes.  A nice bath will do my body good.  I can smell Sesshoumaru inside the castle so I guess that means that he is finish with his business.  As I leave the room to head for the hot spring, a very dirty but sexy Sesshoumaru stands in my way.

"And where are you going, Ajika?"

He gives me a long stare that makes me want to just giggle and grope him, but all ll I could do was blush and stand there.

"Rin and I are going to go bathe in the hot spring.  If you do not mind, I'll be going now."

When I tried to step around him, he blocked my exit once again.  When I tried it a second time, he stood in the way.  I look up at him and see him giving me an amusing glare.

"This Sesshoumaru needs a bath more then you two do."

"This place has a lot of hot springs Sesshoumaru sama.  Why don't you go to the one outside of the castle, while Rin and I go to the one in the hut beside the garden?"

He stares at me and shakes his head.

"This Sesshoumaru is going to the one near the garden so you will have to wait your turn."

"Why should I wait?  Rin and I will just go to the one outs-"

"You both will do no such thing.  It is dangerous out there.  You will either wait your turn or not bathe at all."

I stand there shocked.  He acts as though I'm a weakling who needs to be taken care of.  I decided that once he is in the hut, Rin and I would leave to the other springs.  I know that I can protect us from anything.

As I begin to turn around, Sesshoumaru grabs me and pushes me against the wall.  He grabs my hands and holds them above my head, while he pushes his body against mine.  He leans his forehead against mine and looks at me intensely.

"You would be wise to listen to what I say.  I will not allow you to go outside to bathe when I'm in the hot springs.  Don't look so shocked my lovely Ajika.  I always know what you are going to do before you even do them.  Since we all want to bathe, then there is only one option."

We both hear the door to the bathroom open.  We turn and see that Rin is about to emerge from it.  Sesshoumaru eases my hands down and walks towards Rin.  When she sees him, she lightly kisses his cheek.  He picks her up and carries her in one of his arms.  He then heads toward me and grabs me to him.  Before I can yell at him, he throws me over his shoulder and walks outside towards the spring.  I was speechless. All I could do was hold my bundle of clothes against me.

Once we were there, Sesshoumaru put Rin down on her feet.  He then grabs the clothes that I held and put them near a few towels that were on a chair.  When he was finish, he grabbed my waist, took me off his shoulder and dropped me in the spring, clothes and all.

I finally emerge from the water to find both Rin and Sesshoumaru naked and in the spring with me.  Rin was still young so bathing with your otousan is still acceptable, but I was not going to strip and bathe with HIM there!

"Take off your clothes.  People usually bathe without them on," he stated.

"People usually walk into a spring instead of being thrown in."

He laughs at me and begins to walk towards me.  Before I could get out of the spring, he had me in his arms.  He began to take off my clothes, while staring at me.  When I was about to yell at him, he grins and whispers to me.

"I'm not going to take advantage of you when Rin is here.  I just want to take a bath without your clothes dirtying my spring."

I nodded and stopped him from stripping me.  He gave me an odd stare but I mouth to him that I could take my own clothes off.  I knew that Sesshoumaru has seen women naked before and I wasn't ashamed of my body so I just took off my clothes.  As I looked up at Sesshoumaru, I see him staring at me with no hint of emotion on his face.  We stared at each other for a few minutes but then Rin broke our gaze.

"Look okasan, otousan.  Rin is swimming."

It is such a kawaii sight.  She is so adorable every time I see her.  The spring wasn't that big but she still manages to swim in it.  When she was finish swimming, she splashes me with water.  That was the beginning of a water fight.  First it was only Rin and I who played, but then we both accidentally splashed Sesshoumaru.  Once he got in the game, it ended up with me being the target.  When Rin was beginning to prune, we all left the hot spring and got dress.  Well, actually, everyone else got dress besides me.  Sesshoumaru was in a mood to tease me today.  He kept on taking my clothes and putting them above his head where I couldn't reach them.  After a few minutes, I began to get cold so I vanish from his sight and reappeared behind his back.  Sesshoumaru did not know that I had those types of powers so it was quite easy for me to kick him before he detected me.  Once he got up, I was already dress and running away from him with Rin.

We went inside to let Rin eat.  I went to my bedroom to get my fighting attire ready for training later this afternoon.  As I walked back downstairs, I hear someone knocking on the door.  When I opened it, I found someone in whom I thought I would never see again.  A smile reaches my face as I ran and hugged the person at the doorway.

"Hitomi!  What are you doing here?"

She stares at me with a questioning look.  It seems like she didn't expect me to be there when she came to this castle.

"Ajika?  What are you doing here?"

We both are happy to see each other, but we both had a lot of questions between us.

We hear the door to the dining room open.  Rin runs to me and hugs me tight.

"Okasan, who is this pretty lady?"

With the mention of the word okasan, Hitomi gives me a surprise stare.  The doorway opened again and Sesshoumaru comes out to get Rin.

"Rin, you did not wash your hands.  You will get sick if you do not take care of your hygiene.   Why don't you-"

He stops his sentence once he got a clear look at the person in the doorway.  His face was one of surprise and longing.

"…Okasan."


	7. Impossible!

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND ENOUGH TO READ MY FANFIC:

*Thank you for taking time out to read this story of mine (which is my first by the way, so please be kind).

*I have only seen five episodes of Inu Yasha (and the episodes I saw were out of order) and I barely know anything about the show except for the information that I gather from websites and stories that I've read so there might be slight OOC.

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

Words in _italics_ are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in **bold** are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts. 

Have fun reading my fanfic!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warning!  I've noticed that when I put my fic in italics, some of them do not show.  I'm sorry if the story gets confusing due to the problem, however, if you read carefully you can tell who is saying/thinking the statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the reviews!

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter Seven ~ Impossible!

_Okasan?  Did Sesshoumaru just say okasan?_

_I see them both looking at each other intensely.  I'm speechless, truly speechless.  In all of my life I would never have thought that I would be in a situation like this.  This woman whom I saved is like a mother to me.  I know more about her than I know about myself, but to find out that her son is Sesshoumaru is surprising.  Looking back now, I come to realize that she never once said her child's name to me.  I should have been suspicious about that.  I wonder why I haven't thought about it till now._

_They are both still staring at each other.  It is as though they are both in their own little world, both fearing that the other will disappear.  The silence in the room is deafening. All anyone could hear is the heavy breathing that each and every one of us is creating.   I can also see how uncomfortable Rin is when she stares at the two.  I stroke her hair to calm her down.  She looks up at me and holds up her arms in a silent plea to lift her up, so I did.  She wraps her arms around my neck and continues to stare at the other two adults._

_I could take the silence anymore.  Someone needs to say something.  Anything._

"Okasan," whispered Sesshoumaru.

_There is once again silence._

_I understand now, why they both cannot say anything.  The pain that both Sesshoumaru and Hitomi carried is emerging while they stare at one another.  The pain of being separated is making them both emotional, but of course Sesshoumaru did not show it._

_I feel out of place when I stare at the two.  Maybe that is why Rin is uncomfortable.  Not knowing why things turn out the way they do tends to make a person uncomfortable and uneasy._

_This silence is making me daft!_

_ Knowing that noise would not be appreciated in this situation, I kept my mouth shut, but of course I did walk away from the scene.  There is only a limited amount of time before I get bored of staring at them.  Any way, I believe that they will tell me everything once they snap out of their staring contest.  I'll let Sesshoumaru stay with his mother to talk things out._

_Sometimes people need to be alone to solve their problems.  Hitomi and Sesshoumaru need to catch up on things.  It's funny.  I know of everything about Hitomi that revolved around the time that I met her till now, and yet I know nothing of her before that.  With Sesshoumaru, well that man is hard to talk to.  Even though he is saying more words than his usual "hai" and "iie", he is still a private person.  He told me nothing about his family, and now I've come to realize that his own mother is the one that I took care of all these years.  This is truly astounding._

_Hitomi.  It's Hitomi.  His mother is Hitomi.  HIS MOTHER IS HITOMI! _

_ No matter how many times I say it, it doesn't seem to sound right.  Well, it is kind of hard imagining Sesshoumaru as a kid.  He probably was a very serious little child when he was younger.  I just can't see Sesshoumaru as a child.  Was he different then?  Was he running into tables, catching butterflies with his hands, running after other kids in a game of tag, or eating with his little pudgy fingers?  Oh, how I would have love to see Sesshoumaru that way._

_Now I'm looking down at my daughter, while I walk towards her room.  Today has been a very tiring day.  Knowing Rin, she is probably tired.  She would never tell you this though.  That is the type of person Rin is.  Loving, sweet and perky, however, she never wants to tell anyone about her limitations.  I guess she fears that Sesshoumaru will leave her when he finds out.  That big DOG needs to learn how to be more involve in his daughter's life, even if I must smack it into his thick head!_

_I don't know how long I've been walking.  It seems like Rin's room is father away then it was this morning._

"Okasan."

I look down at her and see a smile on her face.  Her smile doesn't seem like her usual one.  This smile looks like she was laughing at me.

"Hai, Rin?"

"Okasan, Rin's room was back there.  Don't okasan remember?"  _She points behind me._

_I finally notice my surroundings once I stopped walking.  I'm in an area where I've never been before.  It was darker and eerie.  I could feel wind brushing pass me, but that can't be possible since there are no windows at all in the hallway._

_I look back down at my daughter and see that the smile has left her face. She was shaking and frantically looking everywhere._

_I'm so confuse.  This hallway is like another dimension.  It is so different from the rest of the mansion.  True, the mansion isn't at all cheery looking, but that part of the mansion looked like a picnic compared to the area that I'm in right now._

_I can feel Rin tense on my chest.  I guess she can feel the difference in the atmosphere also._

_I know that I shouldn't stay, but I did anyway.  A part of me knows that there is no threat inside the mansion.  No one is dumb enough to break into The Lord of the Western Lands home, but the fear inside me would not go away._

_My body seems to move on it's own.  I can see myself drawn to a room at the end of the hallway.  It just seemed to get darker and darker with each step that I took.  I wanted to stop, but my body wouldn't let me.  My heart just seems to pound harder and harder._

_Thump, thump.  Thump, thump._

_That sound is all I can hear.  Why won't my heart stop beating so loudly?_

_Thump, thump.  Thump, thump._

_Is that even my heart that I'm hearing?_

_Thump, thump.  Thump, thump._

_I hear the sound so clearly._

_Thump, thump.  Thump, thump._

_Rin looks frighten as well._

_Thump, thump.  Thump, thump._

_Maybe her heart is beating with mine._

_Thump, thump.  Thump, thump._

_I'm almost at the door._

_Thump, thump.  Thump, thump._

_I reach for the doorknob._

_Thump, thump.  Thump………._

_I stop.  The sound is gone.  My body freezes.  I can feel my heart pound, but I couldn't hear it.  That must mean that Rin and I didn't make the thumping sound._

_I just stood there looking at the door.  If it were a threat to me, it would have attacked me by now.  I still could not stoop the fear inside of me._

_I want to know.  I want to know what is inside.  Why would this part of the mansion be so deserted?_

_So I prepared myself to open the door, only to realize that the door would not budge.  I see now that the door is sealed not from the outside, but from the inside.  Someone, something is behind there sealing itself from the outside world.  At least I know that Sesshoumaru did not imprison a person in that room.  That would make him inhumane.  Whatever it is, it did a good job sealing itself in._

_I knew that nothing would attack me, so I guess that is why I wanted to go inside._

_Thump, thump.  Thump, thump._

_I hear the sound again as I prepare to break the seal._

_Thump, thump.  Thump, thump._

_I put Rin down and told her to hide behind my back.  I held my hands up as if I was praying. I close my eyes and my forehead begins to shine with a symbol being shown.  As the symbol turns blue, so do my hands.  Once I open my eyes, I push my hands out from my chest and a chi beam can be seen heading towards the door.  The beam is not an attack, but a shield destroyer._

_Thump, thump.  Thump, thump._

_The chi that I threw begins to spread all over the door._

_Thump, thump, thump.   Thump, thump, thump._

_The sound is getting louder and quicker.  The barrier on the door is beginning to break._

_THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP._

_The door then blast with a very bright, white light and the shield is finally broken._

_THUMP…_

_The sound stopped again.  What is that sound?_

_I can feel Rin grabbing my kimono from behind.  I told her to not let go of me once we are inside._

_As I open the door, I was greeted with darkness.  The only thing visible is the drapes flapping near the window.  It was odd that that was all I could see since I have great vision in the dark, but this darkness is not any regular darkness.  This darkness seems to be magically made._

_I turn my head to the right when I heard slight footsteps.  Once I caught a glimpse of what made that sound, Rin and I gasped._

_All I could do was stare.  What I saw before me was impossible, completely impossible._

"Sesshoumaru?"


	8. Love Lost, Never Found

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND ENOUGH TO READ MY FANFIC:

*Thank you for taking time out to read this story of mine (which is my first by the way, so please be kind).

*I have only seen five episodes of Inu Yasha (and the episodes I saw were out of order) and I barely know anything about the show except for the information that I gather from websites and stories that I've read so there might be slight OOC.

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

Words in _italics_ are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in **bold** are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts. 

Have fun reading my fanfic!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warning!  I've noticed that when I put my fic in italics, some of them do not show.  I'm sorry if the story gets confusing due to the problem, however, if you read carefully you can tell who is saying/thinking the statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the reviews!

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter Eight ~ Love Lost, Never Found

Previously on CAN IT EVER BE, chapter seven

_As I open the door, I was greeted with darkness.  The only thing visible is the drapes flapping near the window.  It was odd that that was all I could see since I have great vision in the dark, but this darkness is not any regular darkness.  This darkness seems to be magically made._

_I turn my head to the right when I heard slight footsteps.  Once I caught a glimpse of what made that sound, Rin and I gasped._

_All I could do was stare.  What I saw before me was impossible, completely impossible._

"Sesshoumaru?"

"You are mistaken, young lady.  I am not Sesshoumaru, but thank you for the compliment.  It is good to know that my good looks can compare to that young pup."

Young pup?  Did he just state that Sesshoumaru is a young pup?  What the hell is going on here!  If this man isn't Sesshoumaru, then why does he look so much like him? Rin jumps up and down with her hands clapping together. 

"We have two Sesshoumaru sama's now?"

I stare at her and smile.

"No Rin, just one."

She pouts and holds my hand in hers.

_I watch the man for a minute, wondering why he looks so much like Sesshoumaru.  Why does he…he's…it can't be._

"You're Sesshoumaru's father?"

_He stares at me and nods._

_I'm shocked.  Completely shocked.  I thought that Sesshoumaru's father was dead._

_Rin stares at the man in complete awe.  He reminds her of Sesshoumaru so of course she would be interested in him._

"You're otousan's otousan?"

He smiles at Rin and nods.

_I continue to look at him, no words forming in my mouth.  I finally try to say something to him._

"Uh, I…that is…how did… you were suppose to…uh"

_He grins at me and leans on the mantle near the fireplace._

"What's the matter young one?  Cat got your tongue?"

I stare at him and give him a confused look.  If he were Sesshoumaru's dad, then wouldn't he be more…um…Sesshoumaru like?  This guy seems so open instead of closed off like Sesshoumaru.

What the hell is going on here!

"Have nothing to say young one?"

I sit down on the chair near the window and let Rin sit on my lap.  I look at him and say the only thing that comes into my head.

"What the hell is going on here?"

He chuckles and stares at the unlit fireplace.

Rin looks at me and giggles.

"Okasan just said a bad word.  Okasan should know better.  Rin's angels are supposed to be holy, okasan, not naughty."

I laugh and hold her to my chest.  She sure knows how to lighten up the mood.

I stare at him for a while, seeing his silver hair blowing due to the wind that came from the window.  The more I look at him, the more I can see traces of Sesshoumaru.  They both have the cute elf ears, the same pale skin, the same amber eyes and the same height.  The only thing that separates them apart is the wrinkles on this man's face.

"So…what is your name?  I can't just call you Sesshoumaru's dad all the time, right?"

He smiles and walks up to my chair.  He sits in the chair in front of mine and crosses his legs.

"My name is Inutaisho young one.  You can call me ojisan (uncle)."

"Since we are on a first name basis, can you not call me young one?  Just call me Ajika or Aji or Aj or whatever you want, but not young one.  That name is mostly fit for Rin, not I."

His eyes went to the little girl on my lap who was listening in on our conversation.  He smiles at her and pats her on the head.

"Rin is it?  She is such a kawaii child.  She reminds me of someone I know.  Anyway, Ajika, I think I will call you little kitten from now on.  You did say I could call you anything.  Being in the same room with you these last few minutes has shown me that you are like a cat, purring in your lap one minute, and scratching your eyes out the next.

I look at him with a surprised face.  I guess that I can't really tell him not to say that foolish name.  At least it's better than young one…I think.

"A kitten, am I?  Does that mean that you don't like me, seeing as you are a dog demon and all?"

He stares at me for a few seconds and then throws his head back in laughter.  Once he stopped laughing, he stares at me with unreadable eyes, completely ignoring my question.  Rin looks up at me and gives me a big, goofy smile.

"Okasan is a kitty now?  How come okasan has no tail or ears or whiskers?"

"Honey, he was just joking."

"But I do believe that your okasan has whiskers every other month.  She just secretly gets rid of them before anyone can see them, right Little Kitten."

I don't know if I should laugh or not.  I do not have whiskers!  I wish he were like Sesshoumaru, that way he would be more refine than jerk like.

All kidding aside, he asks me a question that I never thought I would have to answer.

"So you are the one that has been changing so many of the people in my family.  First my wife, then his daughter, and lastly him as well."

I didn't know what to say to that.  How was I to know that Hitomi was his wife?  How was I to know that Sesshoumaru was his son?  I barely met this man a few minutes ago.

"I guess you can say that."

He looks out the window, the happiness that once shown on his face is now gone from sight.  I look down at Rin and notice that she is sleeping.  I wish I were like her.   Sleeping in odd situations is truly a gift one should appreciate.

"How is she?"

I stare at him once he asked that question. I knew that he was talking about Hitomi, not Rin.

I remember that day when I found Hitomi.  She was running away from this man.  The reasons why she left, she never told me.  As I look at him now, I do not know why Hitomi wanted to leave him.  He seems so sweet, so lively, so cute, but of course that is probably the image that he wants me to see.  He could be a man full of anger, hate and prejudice.  I've seen many men like this who wear sheep's clothing.

I stay quiet for a while.  I do not know if I should tell him anything about Hitomi, but once I saw the melancholy look in his eyes, I couldn't stay quiet for long.

"She is just fine."

He continues to stare at me.  After a few minutes, he turns his head back to the window.

"She's here, isn't she?  I can smell her sweet scent."

He turns back to me and gives me a half-hearted smile.

"She means the world to me, but I never acknowledge her.  I never even realized that I loved her until the day she died."

He gets up from the chair and sits on the windowsill.

"I pushed her away, thinking that I never needed her.  You see, our marriage was one of convenience, not love.  Well, to me it wasn't love, but to her it was.  I was angry.  Furious really.  I wanted to find my own mate, but my family picked a woman for me.  I hated her from the very beginning and all she ever did when she was here was try to love me, but I couldn't love her.  I couldn't love a woman meant for my family instead of for me."

He stares at his lap and lets his chin land on his chest.

"When she got pregnant, I ignored her like the plague.  She was of no use to me.  Time and time again she would follow me around, but I just left her behind.  The day she gave birth to Sesshoumaru, I was not there.  I was hundreds of miles away…committing adultery for the very first time.  That was the day that everything changed.  I grew to love the human woman named Akane, but my wife, the mother of my child changed.  She wasn't unloving to her family, she wasn't unfaithful to me, she was just different.  She seemed distant.  Lost.  Being the man that I was, I didn't care.  When I brought Akane to my home, pregnant with my child, Hitomi did not say a word.  All she did was take Sesshoumaru outside to play."

He puts his hands to his face as if he was holding back tears.  I didn't know if I should hug him or hit him.

"She wandered the mansion every night when Sesshoumaru was sleeping.  She wandered, and wandered, never really going into any rooms.  Just wandering.  This became a routine for her.  She would wake up, take care of Sesshoumaru, play with him, feed him (when he needed it), sleep with him, and wake up to wander the mansion.  When Akane gave birth to Inuyasha, Hitomi would wander even more.  Each day she grew paler.  Each day her smiles became less frequent.  Each day her eyes would lose their golden glow, but I never approached her.  The day she died was the day that I realize that I was a fool, a complete fool.  Although I loved Akane, Hitomi was the only one to love the hateful side of me as well.  It was because of me that she died so young.  If I only gave her a chance, maybe I could have loved her more than I did Akane.  To know that I hurt the woman whose only crime was loving me truly destroyed me."

I see his body shake with each word that he mutters.  My heart clinches with pain just thinking about what Hitomi must have gone through.

"I left.  My body destroyed itself as punishment for what I did to Hitomi.  Although I look alive, I am truly dead.  My spirit just wanders in this room, just like how Hitomi use to wander around the mansion.  As more punishment, I barricaded the door, not allowing myself to leave.  I can hear others, but they cannot hear or see me.  This room and the door to it is suppose to be invisible to the naked eye.  When you entered, I was shocked.  You must not be human."

He looks at me with unshed tears.  All I could do was look away.  His pain was too painful for me to bare.

"Now that you've open the door, the others will be able to see it."

"I'm sorry, ojisan.  I didn't know.  The door just called to me."

"I know.  I called you here.  It is time for me to right my wrongs."

I stare at him with a questioning look.

"How are you going to do that?"

"Yes, how are you going to do that," said a cold, emotionless voice.

We both stare at the door to find Sesshoumaru and Hitomi leaning on the doorframe.  Hitomi looked at Inutaisho with an unhappy look, while Sesshoumaru glared at his father with hate and disgust.  Rin wakes up from her nap once she heard Sesshoumaru's voice.  He later stares at me and begins to walk towards me.  Reaching out his hands, he gently grabs Rin by the waist and the other grabs my wrist.   He lifts us both out of the chair, pushing us behind his back.  Inutaisho stares at Sesshoumaru with an expressionless face.

"I'm not going to hurt the girls, son."

He growls and bares his fangs at his father.

"Do not call me that!"

He directs Rin and I to Hitomi and begins to walk out the door.  He looks back at his father and glares at him once again.

"Where ever you came from, go back now.  I don't want you to bother me, my mother, my daughter or my mate!"

We all stare at Sesshoumaru when he said the last word.  Mate?  When did I become his mate?  When did we even start dating?  This youkai has a lot of explaining to do.  How was I supposed to feel?  He made a claim on me that I didn't even know about!

Inutaisho just stood near the window without moving an inch.

"I'm afraid I can't do that Sesshoumaru."

Sesshoumaru growls in anger.

"Why not?"

Inutaisho turns around and stares out the window towards the moon.

"Because son, we have a lot of catching up to do."

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******************I borrowed the name Inutaisho from the story called Hot Springs.  It's a very good story with lots of lemons.  If you ever find it, read it (if you're old enough)!************************


	9. You Will Surrender To Me, I Guarantee It...

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND ENOUGH TO READ MY FANFIC:

*Thank you for taking time out to read this story of mine (which is my first by the way, so please be kind).

*I have only seen five episodes of Inu Yasha (and the episodes I saw were out of order) and I barely know anything about the show except for the information that I gather from websites and stories that I've read so there might be slight OOC.

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

Words in _italics_ are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in **bold** are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts. 

Have fun reading my fanfic!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warning!  I've noticed that when I put my fic in italics, some of them do not show.  I'm sorry if the story gets confusing due to the problem, however, if you read carefully you can tell who is saying/thinking the statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the reviews!

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter Nine ~ You Will Surrender To Me, I Guarantee It   (Sess POV)

It took all of my strength to stand in the room and not punch my so-called otousan.  How dare he disobey me!  He has only seen me for a minute and already he is trying to take over my life.  No matter what he says, I will not listen to this man!  He thinks that spending time with me would change how I feel about him?  Please.  If he thinks that that is possible, then he is truly the man who was dumb enough to betray my okasan.  Speaking of my okasan, I've notice that she has not said a word at all throughout this whole ordeal.

I turn to her and see that she is still shocked to find my otousan.  Her beautiful face is partially covered by her silvery, white hair.  As I reach out to brush those strands away, she grabs my wrist before I get there.  Later letting go of my hand, she brushes her own hair away and gives me a sweet smile.

"Sesshoumaru, Ajika, Rin, can you leave me here for a minute?"

I see Ajika conflicted about leaving, but she eventually did what my mother asked her to.  Before she left, I see her kiss my mother's cheek.  Rin, in seeing this did the same thing Ajika did.  Before they could go, my mother kisses them both back on the forehead and let them leave.

I stay behind not knowing if I should leave her here.

I stare at her with an unreadable face.  It surprised me that my loving mother would want to talk to my otousan considering what he did to her, but I guess people are always curious on why things end up the way they do.  My beautiful mother probably wants an explanation on why my otousan betrayed her so viciously.

"Okasan, are you sure you want to stay here with him?"

She nods her head to me.

I still do not move.  My body seems to have a mind of its own right now.  My okasan knows that I do not want to go, but she makes me anyway.  She walks to me and pats my shoulder.  With one look from her honey colored eyes, I decided to give her what she wants.

When I left the room, the door closing behind me, I can hear both of their voices from the room.  Not being the type to be nosy, I left the hallway in search of my mate.  As I walk to Rin's room, I see that she is already fast asleep.  Of course, Ajika is not there.  I didn't smell her when I reached Rin's room.

Coming inside my daughter's room, I decided to give her a little kiss on her forehead before I go in search for her okasan.

It surprised me to notice how I have change since I met my mate.  It is not only I either. I've notice that the others have changed as well.   Jaken has been the best servant that I ever had.  Rin seems happier and more ladylike and my mother seems calmer and less depress since they both met Ajika.  That woman must be a witch.  That would explain why I am so captivated by her.

As I leave Rin's room, I smelled Ajika's scent in the garden.  The closer I got to the garden, the more her scent attacked me.  When I reached the garden, I see her bathed in moonlight from where she sat on one of the benches. She is truly, very beautiful.   I was about to approach her, but I notice another smell in the air, a smell that frightens this, Sesshoumaru, into retreat.  It is a smell that I know I do not want to face.  This smell does not belong to my enemy.  This smell does not belong to any wild animals.  This smell belongs to my beloved.  My Ajika.

What smell is it?  It is the smell of anger, Ajika's anger.

Thinking back now, I now know why she is mad.  The time when I announce that she was my mate, she had a look that showed how much she wanted to throttle me and I don't mean in a good way.

I guess how I announced it wasn't flattering to her.  Sometimes I surprise myself from the way I act around her.  Is that a good thing I wonder?

Seeing that her anger will not disappear soon, I decided to just retire to my bedroom and speak to her tomorrow morning.  A little sleep on her part will do us both good.  I just hope that she will not kill me before then.

I guess I'll just stay in my bedroom and read for a while.  It seems that this night will be longer then I anticipated.

When I reached my bedroom, I closed my door and opened the drapes on the window.  Tonight, the crescent moon is shining so brightly that it was beginning to hurt my eyes.

I grab a book from one of my bookcases and walk to the chair that is directly under the window.  Before I could get comfortable, a loud knock could be heard.  By the scent that drifted on the air, I notice that Ajika was the one knocking on my door.

I get up from my seat and open the door to see my Ajika, angry but calm, standing there with a fiery glint in her eyes.  Knowing what our conversation, or should I say argument will be, I stepped aside to allow her entrance to my sleeping quarters.

I stare at her while she walks to the chair that I was about to sit on.  She sits on it, letting her legs dangle on one of the arms of the chair, while the other supports her head.  She looks so right lying there.  It is as if she belonged here, since she was technically born.  I can feel the grin on my face beginning to show.  What a delectable woman I have chosen.

"That grin of yours is freaking me out Sesshoumaru-sama."

I stop grinning.  I don't want her to be FREAKED OUT because of me.

I walk to the chair in front of her and wait for her to talk to me, or should I say yell at me.  I have never seen her angry before.  She doesn't seem to be the type to get angry, so I assume that once she gets angry, the consequences will be dire.

She lies there just looking at the ceiling.  The silence does not bother me at all.  All that could be heard is the hooting of the owls outside of the window.

I see her get up from her seat and sit upright on the chair.  She stares at her hand without even looking at me.  I stare at her just waiting for her mouth to open.

She looks up and gives me a displeased look.

"Would you care to explain about what happen in the room back there, Sesshomaru-sama?"

"What ever do you mean, my Ajika?"

It seems that that was the wrong thing to say.  Her eyes begin to turn white as she gets up off of her chair and she throws a small vase at me, in which I easily caught.

"Calm down, Ajika.  I didn't say anything that you did not know about."

Her eyes did not change back to there usually green and blue color.  These new white eyes of hers unnerve me, but I did not show it on my face.

"I did not know at all that I was to become your mate, Sesshoumaru!  That's right, I took out the sama.  What are you going to do about it?"

When she said my name without the formality, my reaction was that of surprise.  The look that was on my face must have looked like anger to Ajika, but really it was one of desire.  To be honest, it never sounded right for her to be so formal with me.  Having her say my name without the title is really erotic to me.

When I look at her, I see that her eyes turned back to there original colors.  I think that now she realized that I was not angry.  By the look on her face, she probably found out that I was keeping my demonic lust in check.

I controlled myself even more because of this.  I do not want to frighten her or anything.

She sits back down and relaxes after her temper tantrum.

She looks at me without blinking.

"I do not like having people make decisions for me Sesshoumaru-sama."

I was disappointed when she went back to being formal, but I guess it is better this way.  I don't want to jump on her or anything.  Seeing the first reaction to it, I realize that it is for the best if she didn't get informal to me.

"The decision that I made for you on being my mate is not such a big deal, my Ajika.  You are going to be my mate eventually, might as well make it sooner than later."

"You are so sure of yourself aren't you Sesshoumaru-sama.  How do you know that I want to be your mate anyway?"

I get off of my seat and walk towards her.  I hold her chin with my hand and put my face very close to hers.  I kiss her gently, yet quickly.  When she blushed, I couldn't resist kissing her again.  Darting out my tongue, I licked her bottom lip slowly.  Feeling her shiver with pleasure, I release her chin and sit back to the chair that I recently vacated.

"Your reaction towards me shows me how much you not only desire, but love this Sesshoumaru."

Once she got over her trance, she glares at me and crosses her arms in front of her ample chest.

"You're full of yourself, Sesshoumaru-sama."

I laugh at her comment.  How many people have said the same thing to me in the past, I do not remember.  Once I stopped laughing, I stare at my unwilling, future mate.

"Are you mad that I didn't court you?"

She glares at me even harder.

"I'm mad that you automatically think that I will willingly be your mate.  I'm not surrendering to your obvious signs of seduction, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"I'm not seducing you, Ajika.  This Sesshoumaru does not seduce anyone."

"Then what do you call it then?  What do you call a person who asks another person to undress in front of them?  What do you call a person who pushes a person against a wall and rubs their bodies on them?  What do you call a person who kisses and licks a person when they are obviously unstable?"

I grin at her.  I have been very busy with her lately, haven't I?

"I don't call that seduction, my Ajika.  I call that showing my mate my affection."

"Affection is usually not that sexual, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"Oh, but it is."

"Iie, it is not."

"Hai, it is."

"Iie."

"Hai."

"Iie!"

"Hai."

"It isn't Sesshoumaru-sama.  What you are thinking is not affection.  Affection is when you kiss a love one on the cheek, or hold their hand, or pet their head."

"There are many types of affection, my Ajika."

"Your affection requires for me to surrender to you, Sesshoumaru-sama."

I laugh at her tone of voice.

"Yes, it does."

"It will never happen."

"Yes, it will."

I see her throw up her hands in frustration.

"I'm to tired for this.  I'm going to go to sleep and argue about this tomorrow."

She gets up from the chair and walks to the door.  Before she could open it, I grab her by the waist and throw her on my bed.

"You will be sleeping here tonight, my Ajika."

"What?  No, I am not!  You let go of me right now!"

I lay my body on top of hers to stop her from lashing out.  Once there, I lay my head on the crock of her neck and smell her sweet scent.  I can feel her tense under me.

"We will not do anything you are not ready for.  Tonight, all you are going to do is sleep, while I watch over you."

When she opens her mouth to argue, only a yawn could be heard.  Her body is weak from the spell she cast and the emotional drama she has been through.  Tonight's event has finally taken a toll on her body.

I feel her relax after a minute.  I turn us both over so that I'm on my back and she is nuzzled against my side, her head on my chest.  When I thought that she was asleep, I extinguish the candle.

"I will never surrender, Sesshoumaru-sama."

She falls asleep with one of her arms resting against my stomach.

"You will surrender to me, I guarantee it."

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-Does anyone know how to say daughter and son in Japanese?  Please tell me if you do.

-Once again, thanks for the reviews!  Love you all!


	10. If Only I Knew Better Hitomi’s POV

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND ENOUGH TO READ MY FANFIC:

*Thank you for taking time out to read this story of mine (which is my first by the way, so please be kind).

*I have only seen five episodes of Inu Yasha (and the episodes I saw were out of order) and I barely know anything about the show except for the information that I gather from websites and stories that I've read so there might be slight OOC.

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

Words in _italics_ are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in **bold** are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts. 

Have fun reading my fanfic!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warning!  I've noticed that when I put my fic in italics, some of them do not show.  I'm sorry if the story gets confusing due to the problem, however, if you read carefully you can tell who is saying/thinking the statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the reviews!

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter Ten ~ If Only I Knew Better   Hitomi's P.O.V.

After seeing Sesshoumaru, Ajika and Rin leave, I felt a sense of uneasiness go through me.  I am standing in a room with the man that I never thought I would ever see again.

_As I turn around, I see Inutaisho still looking out the window.  All these years I have thought of ways to erase this man from my life, but none seem to do the job.  It is difficult to erase a person in whom you devoted your life to._

_He turns around and gives me a charming smile.  I didn't return his smile.  I never could seem to be merry in his presence.  When he sees that I will not warm up to him, he takes his smile away and just offers me a chair._

_I sit down on the chair that Ajika just occupied and stare at my hus… I mean Inutaisho.  It has been forever since I have said that name.  It has been even longer since I called him my husband.  Both labels for this man left a bitter taste in my mouth._

_I see him sit across from me with his head bowed low.  We sit there in silence for what seem like hours.  All I could do was stare at him.  It has been so long since I have last seen him.  He looks so different now.  His silver mane has turned a deeper shade.  His hair is now a color that one can label a shiny gray.  I must look different as well.  I have seen the wrinkles on my face.  I have seen the dullness of my eyes and I have seen the emptiness that also resides there.  Oddly enough, I do not have any laugh lines.  Seeing as I do not laugh, that is not a surprise to me at all.  It is a rarity to see me with a smile, but of course I do smile for Sesshoumaru, Ajika and now Rin as well, no thanks to the man in front of me._

_Happiness.  I never actually felt happiness until I gave birth to Sesshoumaru, but then it was hampered by the arrival of Akane.  I use to think that a person cannot feel both sadness and happiness at the same time, but on that day I did._

_With this pain in me you would think that I would run over and rip the throat of the man in front of me, but I do not.  A part of me is holding me back.  A part of me that wants to know why things ended the way it did, a part of me that would not rest until I found out what it is that I needed to know.  Is it curiosity?  Maybe.  Who wouldn't be curious?_

_I see that he can feel my eyes on him.   He looks up at me and said no words as if he is waiting for me to break the ice.  Why is it that I have to start everything with this man?_

_It is just like long ago.  I was the one who had to make him talk to me.  I was the one that had to make him listen to me.  I was the one who had to make him pay attention to Sesshoumaru.  I was the one who had to do everything…everything.  It makes a body tired.  It makes the body feel empty.   To try continuously and yet receive no results is damaging to the mind and heart.  Maybe that is why I gave up along the way.  I didn't want to hold on to something that I knew I could never have…Inutaisho._

_The more I look at him, the more the pain returns to me, the pain of loneliness, the pain of being unloved._

_Inutaisho.  He did not love me._

"Why?"

That word came out before I could stop it.  Do I really want to know the answer?  Do I really want to know all the reasons why I was unfit for this youkai?

_He stares at me for a while, yet does not reply.  The silence continues.  Yes, this does remind me of the olden days, me talking, him ignoring._

_So I stand up and start to leave, but his hand grabs mine before I could reach the door._

"Wait, Hitomi.  Wait."

He makes me sit down and he returns to his chair.  I see him brush his bangs behind his ears.  I waited for him to talk.  He will only get a few minutes from me.

"Why, Inutaisho?"

He closes his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at me when he explains the reason on why he deserted me.

"I am truly sorry, Hitomi.  I didn't mean for it to end that way."

"Sorry?  You are sorry?  Are you expecting me to forgive you?"

"No.  I just wanted for you to know that I regret my actions towards you."

"Do you now?  I guess your apologies are suppose to make me feel better."

"Don't be disrespectful, Hitomi.  When did you get so sarcastic?  I thought I knew you better than that."

"Knew me?  Don't make me laugh!  You act as though you know every bit about me.  Please, Inutaisho.  Don't make yourself look foolish in my eyes.  How can you know a person in whom you never spend more than thirty minutes with?"

He looks angry, very angry.  Who cares, am I right?  It should be I that should be angry.  In fact, I am angry.  This youkai has unleashed the demon inside of me, and now that demon wants blood, Inutaisho's blood.

"How dare you, Hitomi!  I know plenty about you!"

"Ha!  Name one."

I see him stare at me without saying a word.  He does that a lot.  I can see the wheels turning in his head, but it seems that this noble youkai has bitten off more than he can chew.

"You see.  You know nothing.  It's funny, Inutaisho.  You have been with me for many years yet you know nothing about me.  Do you know my favorite flower?  Do you know my favorite color?  Do you know when my birthday is?  Our anniversary?  The day we met?  Anything?"

_Silence.  I didn't really expect an answer._

_I get up from where I sit and go to the window.  I stare at the stars that shine so brightly outside._

"Inutaisho.  You never took out time to just talk to me."

_I can feel his eyes on my back.  He is probably glaring at me by now._

"You act as though you know everything about me, Hitomi."

"I do."

"Sure you do.  Do you know my favorite flower?  Do you know my favorite color?  Do you know when my birthday is?   Do you know what my favorite animal is?  Do you?"

_I stand there without saying a word.  Did he think that I would be so evil, so careless that I would not know a damn thing about him?_

"Why the silence, Hitomi.  Did you realize that you are also wrong?"

"……………Lavender."

_I can sense him tensing up on his chair._

"What?"

"I said lavender.  Lavender is your favorite flower.  I remember you telling Akane that you like that flower the best because of its ability to soothe a person to sleep."

_I turn to look at him.  He looked shocked.  I wasn't surprised.  I spend my whole life talking to almost everyone in the household to find out everything about him, since he didn't want to tell me himself._

"I know that brown is your favorite color.  You said that it was your favorite because it reminded you of Akane's hair.  Your birthday is in August on the first.  Lastly, your favorite animal is a dog.  You said that dogs are the most intellectual animals and that is why you are so proud of being a dog demon.  Anymore questions?"

_He looks away.  I feel good now.  I made him finally feel bad._

_It liberated me._

_I should laugh, laugh at him knowing that his insides were twisting from the new information that I gave him, but I didn't.  I remember how it felt when my insides twisted that way, not do to my ignorance, but by his neglect.  So I just stood there and waited for him to say something._

"What do you want me to say, Hitomi.  My apologies aren't going to sooth you.  My pleas won't please you.  What do you want from me?"

"I want…I want for you to tell me why you never tired to make things work between us."

_He gets up from his chair and walks towards the fireplace.  He leans on the mantel, looking away from me._

"I wanted to find love, Hitomi.  I wanted to have the decision to find my mate and fall madly in love with her, but instead they gave me a mate whom I know nothing about.  Do you know how it feels, Hitomi?  I thought that I would get to find someone whom I love and spend the rest of my life with her, but they gave me you.  I don't mean that in a bad way, Hitomi.  I just…I just wanted to find love."

"Hmph…he…he he…ha…ha…ha ha…ha ha ha ha ha!"

_I don't know why, but I couldn't stop laughing.  He is a very stupid man.  An idiot!  Does he even hear what he is saying?_

"Inutaisho.  Can you hear yourself?  You ask me if I know how you feel.  Of course I know how you feel!  Do you think I wanted to end up with a useless jerk that treated me like shit!  I too wanted to find my own mate, but what was I suppose to do?  With both of us together, our followers had a better sense of safety!  Our union cause get relief to our people, but all you could do was harp on the fact that we became mates!  I replace my anger, Inutaisho.   I tried to make it work between us.  Instead of thinking about why I couldn't find my true soul mate, I instead try to fix the one mate I had and make it real.  Make it special.  I knew I had to spend the rest of my life with you, so I tried to please you.  I tried to be the mate that you wanted, but what did you do?  You became a spoiled brat!  You slept with me for one night and left me there!  You took my virginity and left without saying any soothing words.  I felt like trash!  What was supposed to be beautiful was in fact tainted!  The only good thing that came our of that and out of our so-called relationship is Sesshoumaru!"

"Stop, Hitomi."

"Stop?  You ask me to stop?  I have every right to be angry!  Do you know how it feels to be unloved?  Why should you?  You had Akane, or don't you remember?  I remember Akane.  Beautiful, sweet and loving Akane, that is what you declared to everyone."

"I did not!  Never once did I every upstaged or degraded you like that in front of anyone."

"Hmph.  Didn't you, Inutaisho.  You didn't have to say it by words.  Your presence with her in our home was enough to have people talking.  By neglecting me and spending all you time with her, you were telling everyone that I was useless, ugly, ungrateful and unworthy.  Do you want to know the funny part of the situation, Inutaisho?"

_He didn't reply when I asked him the question.  This is so typical of Inutaisho._

"The funny part is that I didn't care about that.  I didn't care about what people thought about me.  The only thing that I care about was you.  Always you.  There were times when others will talk ill of your name and I defended you.  There were times when your family wanted to disown you because of your treatment of me, but I begged them not to.  There were times when I wanted to kill you, but I stopped myself.  Why?  I don't know anymore.  I don't know a thing at all.  I don't know why I help you, especially during the times when you would show so much affection towards Akane right in front of my face."

_I sit back down in the chair using all of my strength to hold back my tears.  I don't want to cry.  I don't want to show weakness.  Not to him, not to anyone._

"Inutaisho, why couldn't you at least try to feel anything for me?  Why couldn't you at least try?"

_He sits there as if his heart is breaking.  Please.  Like he had a heart.  Like he cares at all what he did to me._

"I didn't mean it to be that way.  I never thought that you would take this so seriously."

_My anger grew.  He didn't think that I would take it seriously?_

"I gave you my love, only to have if thrown right back in my face, Inutaisho!  No one would say that if they never meant it!  You didn't think that I would take anything to heart!  That is the problem with you, Inutaisho!  You never think!  You only think about yourself!"

_He sits there and stares at his hands.  I calm down a bit.  If I didn't, then my hands would be around that mans neck._

"Hitomi.  When you left this world, I realized that I did care for you."

_His words didn't make me feel better._

"Why is it that I had to die in order for you to realize that you cared for me?"

_He stares at me with a pained look on his face.  He said nothing in return._

"Do you know how I feel?  I had nothing.  I had no husband to comfort me, no family besides Sesshoumaru to care for me, no one to be there for me.  No one.  Everyday I would see families laughing and playing, wishing that that were you and I.  Everyday I would see a wife and her husband sharing a sweet little love peck, hoping that today would be the day that you would do such an action towards me.  Everyday I would see people…happy, hoping against hope that I would feel that foreign emotion, but it never came.  It didn't come that day or the next or the next after that.  I was always left with nothing to hold me together.  Sesshoumaru was the only reason why I stayed for so long.  I wanted for him to have a mother.  I wanted him to grow up… to grow up and become nothing like you."

"…Hitomi."

_I can feel the tears trying to break through my barrier, but I stopped them before they could come out._

"Is that all you can say, otousan?  I thought you wanted to right your wrongs, not hurt okasan even more."

_I look towards the angry voice and found my darling son standing in the doorway.  It is a great relief to me that he does not look to want to kill his otousan right now.  I still have questions that I want answered and my son killing him isn't going to help the situation._

"Son, weren't you asleep with Ajika?"

"Hai, okasan, but I could sense your anger and came right over."

"That is unlike you, Sesshoumaru."  
  
"Actually, that is only true to people in whom I care nothing about, okasan."

_I smile at him.  He is such a charmer.  That is the only trait of his father that he received.  I never did care about that.  Sesshoumaru is different.  He is my son._

_I stare at Inutaisho with no emotion on my face and in my voice._

"How does it feel, Inutaisho?"

_I see confusion on his face.  I guess I have to be more specific._

"How does it feel to be in love?  I hear that it feels warm and pleasantly fuzzy.  I hear that it is a wonderful feeling that anyone would kill just to keep.  Is that true?"

"Why are you asking me?  You know how it feels. You love Sesshoumaru and the girls."

"That love is a different type of love.  I mean the love between mates."

_He is quiet.  Does he not want to tell me?_

"Okasan, if feels just like the way you describe it."

_I look towards my son.  My heart just melts.  It seems that my son has fallen head over heels for Ajika, not that I could blame him.  I liked her the first time I saw her.  It is not just anyone who would carry your body back to your home and make sure you die peacefully and beautifully.  Ajika is one of a kind._

"Sesshoumaru.  You should take things slower for Ajika or you might scare her off.  Considering her past, you should know better."

_I see a frown on his face.  Did I say something wrong?_

"Actually, okasan.  I do not know anything about her past."

"Why not?"

"It never came up."

"Well, don't ask her about it, Sesshoumaru.  When she is ready, she will tell you."

_He nodded.  My son does know when to let matters drop.  I see him stare at his otousan.  I stare as well.  He is still and would not look at either of us.  Seeing that he will not be up for more questions I decided to leave, but not without saying a few more words._

"Inutaisho?"

_He looks at me with an alert look, waiting for me to say something._

"If only I knew better, I would have gave up on you before you could have any affect on me."

_And I left the room.  I continue to walk not knowing where I was going.  I kept looking at the floor, replaying my past and my present in my head over and over again.  I find myself in the middle of the garden.  The stars look even brighter now then they did when I was in the room with him._

_My body feels weak.  I can feel it slowly collapse on the grass when my legs gave away.  I roll myself so that I could wrap my arms around my legs and touch my forehead to my knees.  All I could do was let go.  Before I knew it, the tears that I have been holding in were pouring out of me.  They wouldn't stop.  My body feels empty and tired.  I feel so alone._

_As I tried to flood the world with my tears, I feel someone's arms around my body, soothing me.  These arms are helping me feel safe, full and energized.  As I look up, all I could see is long black hair and two different color eyes; one blue, the other green._

_I smiled, truly smiled.  I know now that when ever I am down, there will always be someone out there to make me feel better.  I wrapped my arms around the person, and cried my eyes out.  My body is being rocked back and forth in a sort of comforting rhythm.  I see now that life will only get better.  Hugging the body closer, only a few words came out of me._

"Thank you, Ajika."

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~ Well, I was going to use the Japanese words for daughter, son and so on for this chapter, but I got lazy and decided that I'll use it on the next one.  So I'm just going to write what means what (some old, some new) so that no one gets confused in the next chapter.

~ I would also like to thank Reiji for giving me the correct words to use in the Japanese language.

~mother-okasan

   father-otousan

   daughter (your daughter)-musume

   daughter (someone else's daughter)-ojosan

   son-musuko

   aunt-obasan

   uncle-ojisan

   grandmother-obasan (with a line above the a)

   grandfather-ojiisan

*I probably wont use some of those words up above.

*Also, thanks for the reviews!


	11. Secret Closet Part One

TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND ENOUGH TO READ MY FANFIC:

*Thank you for taking time out to read this story of mine (which is my first by the way, so please be kind).

*I have only seen five episodes of Inu Yasha (and the episodes I saw were out of order) and I barely know anything about the show except for the information that I gather from websites and stories that I've read so there might be slight OOC.

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

Words in _italics_ are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in **bold** are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts. 

Have fun reading my fanfic!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warning!  I've noticed that when I put my fic in italics, some of them do not show.  I'm sorry if the story gets confusing due to the problem, however, if you read carefully you can tell who is saying/thinking the statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the reviews!

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter Eleven ~ Secret Closet-Part One

_With each sob that escaped from Hitomi's body, my heart twisted tighter and tighter.  All I could do was hold her close to me until she stopped._

_It felt like yesterday that she cried like this._

^FLASHBACK^ 

"Obasan.  Obasan.  Obasan, where are you?  Dinner's ready." 

Sob sob 

****

"Obasan?  Obasan, is that you?" Sob sob 

I followed the sound of crying to the waterfall that lies beside my garden.  I walk through the tall grass in search of the person who is shedding their tears.  Though a part of me wants to believe that my obasan would never cry, my heart is telling me otherwise.

****

**_When I reach the waterfall, I see a figure sitting on one of the slanted rocks next to the water.  The silvery-white haired person seemed oblivious to my presence.  Her lovely face is covered with crystal like tears.  Her pale complexion is even paler then the last time I saw it a few hours ago.  This woman who is so strong, yet now weeping like there is no tomorrow, this woman whose body is shaking with pain and suffering.  This woman._**

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**_My obasan._**

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**_No matter how much she wants to hide her pain, I can always see through it.  I guess that is why I am so drawn to Hitomi.  She is like me.  No matter how much we state that we want to be alone, a part of us yearns for attention.  No matter how much we state that we are fine, a part of us wants to be held and loved.  No matter how much we want to keep our tears inside of us, a part of us just wants to let go._**

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**_But we can't._**

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**_We hold almost everything inside until it can no longer be held._**

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**_I have not reached that point, but clearly Hitomi has._**

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**_I reached her side and sit beside her while she weeps.  More sobbing erupts from her small frame.  I didn't want to see her like this.  I didn't want to see her cry.  Her face is suited to smile and laugh._**

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**_To see her like this breaks my heart.  So I held her.  I held her to me in a tight embrace.  No words were needed between us.  We both understood each other's pains and sufferings.  All we could do was sit there and wait everything out._**

****

**_Before any one of us took notice, the sun was fading behind the mountains.  All we could do was walk back home and rest.  Rest our tired bodies.  Rest our hearts._**

****

**^END FLASHBACK^**

****

_So now I'm holding her once again, rocking her back and forth until she calmed down._

_During our time together, I held her countless of times in her crying sessions, but it didn't bother me.  I couldn't cry anymore, so I let Hitomi cry for the both of us.  Why I can't cry?  Maybe I cried too much in my past life.  Maybe my body ran out of tears.  I did cry a lot then.  Even if I wanted to cry, I don't think I can.  My pride and my past won't allow me to._

_When I couldn't hear her sobs anymore, I looked down at her face to see her smile at me._

"How many times have we done this, Ajika?"

_I smile at her and held her closer._

"I lost count after the twentieths year."

_She looks away and stares at the stars above us._

_I couldn't help but wonder what happen for her to cry like this.  This crying session was fiercer than her original ones._

"Obasan.  Did Inutaisho upset you or something?"

_She shakes her head at me, but continues to stare at the stars._

"Iie, he didn't.  I'm upset at myself."

"Yourself?"

"Hai.  When I telling him about my pain and frustration, I realize what a fool I was.  I saw things in him that were never really there."

_She stares at her hands and sighs._

"When people are in love, they intend to think of excuses to replace the negative actions of their love ones, but I didn't know when to stop for Inutaisho.  I wasted many years of my life for him.  Many years."

_We both stand up and begin to walk back to the mansion._

"Obasan.  You have a second chance now so why not try to find some closure with Inutaisho?"

_She continues to walk back to the mansion.  It took her a few minutes until she gave me an answer._

"Closure.  I guess you're right.  I need closure if I want to be happy again."

_We reach the entrance, but Hitomi stops me before I could even take another step._

"Ajika.  Why didn't you tell my musuko about your past?"

_I stand there without saying a word.  My past?  Why would he want to know of my past?_

"As you already know, my past is something that I would rather leave behind."

"You say that, but you never really leave your past behind you."

_I stand there and look at her for a minute.  What does she mean by me not letting go?_

"I do.  What I'm doing now is evidence that I'm starting anew."  
  


"Are you?  Then why are you being so difficult on the issue of being Sesshoumaru's mate?"

"……………….."

"You see, you keep your past within yourself.  You fear that this relationship with my musuko would end like the others."

"That's not true!"

"Sure it isn't."

"It's not!"

_She walks away from me and then heads towards the stairs.  I don't know why I got defensive.  I guess I just wanted for her to know that I wasn't thinking of my past at all._

"You know that you do think that way, Ajika.  Stop kidding yourself."

"I'm not.  I'm just waiting for the right moment that's all."

_I don't now why I am even saying this.  I know it's true.  I know it is._

"Keep telling yourself that, Ajika."

"But…but I am."

"Are your trying to convince me or yourself?"

"……………"

_She reached the top of the stairs and looks down back at me._

"Sesshoumaru will probably ask you a few questions regarding your past.  Why not let yourself go and be ALIVE for once?"

"……………."

_She leaves me and goes inside her bedroom.  I stood there without moving.  She is right, that I should be more open, but how can I open myself without getting hurt again._

"I agree with her.  You should let yourself go once and a while.  To begin, why not tell me about you past?"

I turn around and face a very muscular chest that can only belong to Sesshoumaru.  I step back a little to look up at his face.  He had no expression, which isn't surprising in the least.

"I rather not."

_He lifted one fine eyebrow at my statement._

"Was your past, a sad one?"

"………………Iie, it wasn't."

"Are you sure?"

"………………Hai, I am sure."

"Why the hesitation?"

"What hesitation?"

"When you answered me before, you hesitated.  Is there any reason on why you don't want for me to know of your past?"

"………………Iie, no reason at all."

"There it is again.  You hesitated."

"………………"

"You mean a great deal to this Sesshoumaru, Ajika.  Tell me.  You know you want to."

"Sesshoumaru-sama, I…I-"

A small body landed on me and my body went off of balance.  I would have fallen if Sesshoumaru did not catch me.

"Okasan!  Rin had a bad dream.  Can okasan sleep with her tonight?"

"Rin, your okasan and I were-"

"Sure, sweetness.  I'll sleep with you tonight.  All of your bad dreams will become sweet ones."

"Ajika."

I stare at Sesshoumaru and smile at him.  He never could bring himself to pull me away from my musume.  I should thank Rin for saving me from this predicament.  Rin and I walked away from Sesshoumaru and head for her bedroom.  Once inside, Rin and I laid on her futon.  Rin, always the heavy sleeper, fell asleep before I could even get comfortable.  Right when I was about to close my eyes and relax, Sesshoumaru's voice was heard outside of the door.

"This isn't over, Ajika."

"…Hai, I know."

^NEXT DAY^

I woke up with a kawaii looking Rin on my shoulder.  It's funny how a child could look so cute without even trying.  Right now she is drooling on my shoulder, but I can't seem to get past the adorable look on her face while she is doing it.  Those cheeks of hers are so pinch able!  I just want to pinch them so badly, but I didn't.  I don't want to wake her.

_I detach myself from her iron grip and head over to the window to open the drapes.  Once I looked outside, I see the sun shining as always.  Doesn't it ever rain or something here?_

'Okasan, what are you looking at?"

I turn to the voice and see my musume wide-awake with her hair all ruffled.

"Just looking at the sky.  Sweetheart, have you ever seen snow?"

"Snow?  Hai, Rin saw it once.  It was cold and Rin's nose got red."

"Do you like snow, sweet pea?"

"Hai!  Rin likes hitting things with snow, but Rin never see it snow here."

"…Do you want to go play in the snow?"

"Hai, but how can Rin plays when there is no snow?"

"Okasan can make it snow."

"Really?  Can okasan make it snow now?"

"Hai."

I walk towards the balcony and focus my eyes on the sky.  A bluish, white color wind can be seen circling me.  I closed my eyes and let the wind surround me.  I lift my hand in front of me, the palm facing up.  The bluish, white colored wind now surrounds my hand.  I put my hand in a fist, and the color disappears.  As I open my eyes and look in my palm, a light blue orb could be seen.

"What's that, okasan?"

"It's an orb."

"What does it do?"

"It makes snow."  
  


"But snow comes from the sky, okasan."

"I know honey, but this is how okasan makes snow."

I take the orb and throw it up in the air where it floats.  Waving my hands in a certain direction, the orb flies up to the sky, making it turn white.  After a few seconds, little snowflakes can be seen dropping to the ground.  After a few minutes the flakes became larger and heavier, but not large enough to hurt someone.  After a while, the whole mansion is covered in snow.

"Wow!  Snow!"

I see Rin about to run out the bedroom door, so I grabbed her before she could leave.

"Honey pie, put on some warm clothes before you go outside.  I don't want you to get sick."

I see her frantically putting on anything she could wear before she left the room.  I put on a heavy kimono and follow her out to the snow.  When I reached her, I see Hitomi and Sesshoumaru there as well.  Sesshoumaru looks at me with a questionable look.

"I assume that this is your doing."

I smile at him and pat his arm.

"Hai, it is."

"Otousan, okasan, obasan, look, look!"

Rin was hunched over on the snow, so we couldn't see what she had in her hands.  As the three of us finally stood in front of her to see what she had, a large pile of snow hit our face.  While we all tried to brush the snow off of our embarrassed faces, we could hear a child's laughter in the air.

My musume threw snow in all of our faces!  She got us.  She actually got us and not only Hitomi and I, but the might Sesshoumaru as well.

I looked over at Sesshoumaru and Hitomi, only to be met by two red looking faces.  I couldn't contain my laugh.  I pointed at them both and rolled on the ground while I laughed.

When I heard some footsteps beside me, I opened my eyes only to see the three of them with a huge pile of snow.  All at once then drop the load on top of me and ran off.  It took me a few minutes to get out of the mountain size snowball.

Once I was out, I threw countless of snowballs in every direction.  Hearing a grunt and a two squeaks, I knew that it hit their marks.

We all got into a snowball fight.  Well, actually, Hitomi, Rin and I got into a snowball fight, while Sesshoumaru watched in the sidelines.

I stood there looking at him for a while he was staring at the other two.  He looks so sexy today with his hair shining even more then yesterday.  His heavy set of clothes didn't hide his muscular body from my eyes.  My eyes slide over his face and chest.  I wanted to wander lower but my other voice stopped me.  

What is happening to me?  Why is Sesshoumaru looking even better then he did before?

My eyes locked on his lips.  He has such soft lips.  I use to think that his lips would be chapped or something, only to find out that they weren't.  Those lips, those sexy lips.  Oh, how they felt when he kissed me a while ago.  Oh, how they just melted o-

"Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A huge snowball hit me right on the side of my face.  I looked over and see Hitomi smiling evilly at me.  I look towards Sesshoumaru, only to notice that he didn't notice.

My obasan walked towards me and whispered in my ears.

"That is what you get when you don't pay attention to a snowball fight.  Maybe next time you could pay attention to the game instead of staring at my musuko."

I swear that she just laughed at me when she said that.  She sure knows how to embarrass the hell out of me.

My face is red from the cold weather.  I looked at Hitomi and Rin to see them also with red faces.

"Obasan, Rin, why don't you both go inside and warm up."

Hitomi nodded.  We turn towards Rin and see her with her mouth wide open.  I guess my little sweet pea has tired herself out.  I picked Rin up and was about to bring her inside when a hand stopped me.

"Okasan, can you take Rin inside so that I can talk to Ajika alone?"

She nodded and went inside the mansion with my musume.

There was silence for a while.  I knew that he was going to ask me again about my past, and I have decided to finally tell him about it.

We walk to his study and sit next to the fireplace to get warm.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, I'm ready to tell you everything that you want to know about me."

He stared at me and nodded his head.

Where do I begin my tale?

"It is going to be a very long story.  Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"Hai."

"Alright.  No interruption, okay?"

"Hai."

I curled up on the chair that I was sitting on.  Bringing my knees up to rest my chin upon, I began to tell my story.

"As you already know, I am not a youkai.  I am what you would call a Centra.  A Centra appears to look like a human, however, they have mystical powers within themselves.  My mother and father are both Centra's, but they didn't know it at the time.  Centra's were one of the dominant races that use to reside here. One by one, an unknown enemy murdered my people.  I still don't know who it is.  Only a few escaped the massacre.  The ones who survived erase any knowledge to their children that they are Centras' and because of this, some of them do not even know that they have any powers at all."

I closed my eyes and continue my story.

"I, however, could not hide my powers.  When I learned how to use them at the age of three, I trained myself to protect the people I loved.  Having learned how to maintain my powers, I ran to my parents and showed them my abilities.  They were more outraged than happy."

I leaned my head against the chair.

"My father beat me.  He kept on yelling at me stating that he didn't what a demon for a child.  My mother just stood there with hatred in her eyes.  I cried.  I cried because I only wanted to be strong in order to protect them.  I kept saying that I loved them, but they wouldn't listen.  Each day after that, they would beat me saying that my face was ugly and that they didn't want a demon here.  After a few months, they gave me away."

I gave out a huge sigh.

"On occasions they tried to rape me, but they didn't succeed.  Other times, they just beat me for fun.  I deluded myself in believing that it will all get better.  I thought that maybe if I was extra good, my family would come back and take me home.  I thought that maybe everything would go back to the way it use to be, but it didn't.  It was like that for twelve more years.  Each day I would cry, but no one would come and save me.  Each day I would pray, but no one would hear me.  Each day I couldn't sleep, and no one was here to comfort me.  A year later, I escaped, killing all of the people who beat me, but I knew that I couldn't hurt my parents.  Call it idiocy, but I couldn't bring myself to hate them.  I kept thinking that if I didn't show them my powers, things would have been rosy."

I looked at Sesshoumaru to see his reaction.  What I saw was him staring at the fire with no expression.

"I learned that my village was in trouble.  A youkai was said to be destroying villages left and right and my village is next.  I ran and found the snake youkai already destroyed half of the village.  He headed for my parents house.  I see my otousan run off, leaving behind my okasan in their home.  I hear her cursing my otousan.  The house was burning and a big piece of wood landed on her.  The snake youkai is about to lunge at her, but I destroyed him before he could reach her.  I pulled my okasan out of the wreckage and got her out to safety."

I laugh bitterly at the memory.

"She smiled at me and thanked me for saving her.  She gave me a confusing look, trying to remember where she seen me before.  When I told her that I'm her daughter, she gasped and fell to her knees.  When I tried to help her up, she took a dagger from her back and tried to stab me with it.  When she realized that I was to fast for her, she decided to take her own life before I could stop her.  You see, my father abandon her and she had no other children.  Seeing her dying, I held her body close to mine.  She tried to push me away, but her strength was disappearing with each blood drop that fell away from her body."

Tears are threatening to leave my body, but I knew that it would not come out.

"Seeing that she will not survive her wounds, I asked her one question before she left this world."

I see Sesshoumaru focus his golden eyes on me.

"What did you ask, Ajika?"

"…I asked her if she had any regrets.  I asked her if she regretted giving me away to those awful people.  I asked her if she regretted what they did to me."

"What did she tell you?"

"……………………"

"Ajika."

"……………………"

"Ajika."

"She said…she said that her only regret is that I didn't die during the process."

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~Well, I decided to end it here.  I realized that the chapter was getting to long so I'm going to make it into two parts.  I hope it didn't bore any of you.  It's probably lame, but I didn't know how to explain her past in a good way.

~If all of you are wondering why the chapters are so depressing, it is because it just seems more interesting that way.  There are too many lovey dovey ones and I just wanted to make it different.  Don't worry though, it will get happy again…eventually.

~Do any of you have any questions?  Is there anything from the fic that is getting confusing?  Contact me if you do.

~If any of you want to give me ideas, I'll gladly read them.  I might even put them in (if it suits the whole fic).  I realize that it is getting more difficult for me to just come up with ideas, however, they all seem to come together in the end.

~So, do all of you like it so far, or have I gone out of topic (what was the topic again)?

~Again, I thank all of you for reviewing, especially Reiji who has been there since day one.  This fic wouldn't have gotten this far without the first review that you gave me!

~If you're wondering why the word Centra sounds familiar, it is because I got it from the game called Final Fantasy 7 (and I totally love this game too).  The word Centra belongs to them.  So, all the people who made F.F. series don't sue me.  I have no money.  It would be useless to bring me to court.  You would spend more money on the lawyers than what you would receive from me!

~I guess that I am rambling now.  I can't help it!  What is wrong with me?  I can't seem to stop!  Maybe I'll just take this energy and start on the next chapter.  Yeah, that is what I will do!  Well, see all of you next chapter!  Ja ne!


	12. READ ME!

CAN IT EVER BE

~As you can tell this isn't an update, but you shouldn't feel disappointed since I gave you all a chapter a while ago.

~You all must be wondering why I put up a notice.  Long story short, I'm going to discontinue this fic.  I just got tired of it and decided to not write anymore.

~I'M JUST PULLING YOUR LEG!  I'm **not** going to discontinue it.  It is quite the opposite really.  I have too much information for many next chapters in my head that I don't have enough time to write it.  Seeing as I'm kind of conflicted on what to write, I haven't decided on what will happen next.

~Well, today when I was in class I got a terrific idea that I would think would be fun for all of us.  What is it?  Well, I decided to ask all of my reviewers if they want to be a character in my fic.  So, how about it?  It doesn't really have to be you actually.  You can give me a character that you designed and I could put them in my story with Sesshoumaru, Ajika, Rin and the rest.  Do any of you want to be a part of the characters of CAN IT EVER BE?

~If you do want to take part of this, then this is what you have to do for me in order for me to put you in my cast.

Give me the name of your character.  First and last names are what I'm looking for, but middle names are okay.  If you want to use your name, that is okay also. What species is your character?  You can either use youkai, human, Centra (like in my story), or a made up species.  Just make sure that if you make it up that you give me background info on the species.  You can also be from Kagome's time. What color hair does he/she have? Length of hair and how it is done in? What color eyes do they have? What is your age? Are you fat, skinny, muscular, etc? Color skin? Do you want to have magical powers (like the mutants in X-man)?  Do you want to know how to fight hand-to-hand combat (like karate)?  Do you want the fighting techniques that Sesshoumaru uses (like poison whips)? Do you want to be good or evil? Do you want to have a comedic personality, sadistic personality, cold (like old Sesshoumaru), hyper, annoying yet cute, etc? Do you want to have already met Ajika in the past? Would you rather have met Sesshoumaru or the others before you met Ajika (in their past)? Do you want to hate my Sesshoumaru and the others or would you rather be their friends. Your love interest?  If it is Sesshoumaru then I'll tell you in advance that you wont get him, but we can still have fun with him (hint hint). What do you want Rin to call you when she sees you.  Okasan and otousan is off limits (we all know why).  Obasan and ojisan is okay, but that for old people. Give me any other information that you think I would need. 

~So, what do you think?  Are you in?  All you have to do is give me the information for the questions up above (in order please) and give it to me.  Send it by review, e-mail, anywhere you want as long as I get it.  Send the info and your character should be up after the second half of Secret Closet.  Just note that everyone will come in gradually.  I'm not going to cram everyone in one chapter.  That would be horrible.

~On my good days, I might even dedicate a chapter to your characters point of view!  Doesn't that so great?  Oh, and your characters will be in my story till the end of the story!

~Why do I want new characters?  Well, I thought it would be fun.  Revolving a story with 5 people is pretty boring for me.  I want some spice!  I want so heat!  Well, honestly, I just want a change of pace.  So if you're interested, send me the much needed info!

~Well, I leave you to think it over.  Ja ne!


	13. Secret Closet Part Two

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

* A little OOC (well, it depends on how you describe little).

Words in _italics_ are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in **bold** are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts. 

Have fun reading my fanfic!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warning!  I've noticed that when I put my fic in italics and in bold that it sometimes does not show them on my fics.  I'm sorry if the story gets confusing due to the problem, however, if you read carefully you can tell who is saying/thinking the statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the reviews!

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter Twelve ~ Secret Closet-Part Two

** Previously on CAN IT EVER BE **

"Seeing that she will not survive her wounds, I asked her one question before she left this world."

I see Sesshoumaru focus his golden eyes on me.

"What did you ask, Ajika?"

"…I asked her if she had any regrets.  I asked her if she regretted giving me away to those awful people.  I asked her if she regretted what they did to me."

"What did she tell you?"

"……………………"

"Ajika."

"……………………"

"Ajika."

"She said…she said that her only regret is that I didn't die during the process."

**Now on to chapter twelve! ******

When I gazed at Sesshoumaru to see his reaction, I was surprised at what I found.  Here before me stood the mighty lord Sesshoumaru of the western lands with his eyes wide open at the realization of what my statement meant.  His golden eyes showed a few specks of red.  It looked as though his eyes were glowing with liquid fire.

I waited for him to say something, but he decided to keep quiet for now.  I did ask for him to not interrupt so I guess I should just tell him the rest of my story.  I averted my stare to the fireplace, looking at the flames that resembled the new color of Sesshoumaru's eyes.

"When she said that to me, my body grew numb from both pain and exhaustion.  It wasn't what I expected for my mother to say to me.  I just held her with no words escaping my lips.  I stayed by her side until the last breath left her body."

I feel arms surround my frame and realized that it was Sesshoumaru who was holding me.  Unwrapping his arms, he ushered me out of my chair to sit on the floor next to the fire.  Wrapping his arms around me once again, I laid my head on his shoulder while we both stared at the flames.  While he held me, I continued my story.

"When her spirit left her body, I could sense her by my side.  Being the special child that I was, I could see those spirits and communicate with them.  When I looked up from the body, I see her ghostly form staring at me.  Usually when I see these spirits, I can see their destination to the afterlife just by looking at the images that surround them.  With your okasan, I saw a vast, green field that was surrounded by light.  This image means that the spirit still has a long journey ahead of them, but I knew that it will end in contentment."

"How do you know that, Ajika?"

When he spoke, the vibrations from his chest made me feel more comfortable for some reason.  I don't understand why it does though.

"You see, the vast field means long distance, but the green color means that it is a safe and worthwhile journey.  The light that shined onto the field meant that you okasan's spirit is pure and innocent.  My okasan is another story.  Her spirit was surrounded by no image at all.  It was as if her destination was to nowhere.  Eternal darkness is what I concluded from it."

I stopped to remember the image that I saw long ago.  I can feel my body shiver from the memory.

"I saw my okasan looking at what awaited her in the afterlife with fear in her eyes.  She looks back at me and notices that I could see her spirit.  She pleaded with her eyes that I should save her from her afterlife, but I just stood there without moving an inch towards her.  Sesshoumaru-sama, you might be wondering why she would so suddenly turn to me for help.  There is a reason why she would lower herself to ask for help from her musume.  I figured that she remembered the saying that use to surround my village.  There was a tale about a special being that can rescue souls from eternal damnation, but only those who can see the spirit can do it.  Seeing as I could see her, she asked for me to save her, but I didn't.  I just stood there and watch her get pulled into the darkness.  The last image that my okasan saw was my smiling face.  Seeing her body be dragged into darkness made me happy.  Seeing her fear gave me strength that I thought left me a while back.  I was glad, glad to see her get what she deserved.  She pushed away, so why shouldn't I push her back?  She left me behind, so I did the same to her."

The room seemed to grow colder even though the fire in front of me is still burning with vengeance.  Sesshoumaru, noticing my shivering, held me closer to his lean body.

"I left her body there in destroyed village without burying her body.  I felt that she didn't deserve such a privilege, so I left instead.  I watched as the flames consumed the village without any remorse.  I would have saved the rest of the villagers, but I found out a few years back that they are the ones that sided with my family in giving me away.  So I let them burn, burn with their guilt and flames.  So when the fire died down, I walked away in search of my otousan."

My throat felt dry from talking so much, so I got up to go get a glass of water, but Sesshoumaru had other plans.  He made me stay by his side while he reach behind him to grab a wooden cup filled with water.  Once my throat felt wet again, I went on with the story.

"I went in search of my otousan for a few years.  One day, I found a little village next to forest that is now called Inuyasha's forest.  I was just walking through, when I caught his scent in the air.  I walked to the hut that was in the middle of the village to find him standing next to his front door.  I see him leave the village to go to a little green field that was nearby.  I hid on one of the roofs of the hut and watched his every move.  It was then that I notice three kids running around on the very same field.  Two of the kids were boys and the other a girl.  My otousan went right up to them and kiss them all.  He later played with them and rolled around on the field with them for the next hour.  I didn't understand why he would be so affectionate to these kids that weren't his own, but it was then that the children said one word that changed my view of him.  One word that he never allowed me to use when I was with him…"

"What was it?"

"…otousan."

I stayed quiet for a while.  I was beginning to get that numb feeling again.  My body all of a sudden used up almost all of its energy just by me telling this story.  Sesshoumaru stroked my hair and asked me to continue.

"When they said the word otousan, I felt surprised.  I have three younger siblings that I never seen before in my whole life.  My views of hurting my otousan have changed dramatically.  I realize that if I kill him, he would leave behind three kids who could not defend themselves.  If I announce myself to them, the children will find out how horrible their otousan was and abandon him.  It is not he being abandon that hurts me, but the fact that those kids would not have an otousan to love that stopped me.  So I decided to wait until he was alone and have a long talk with him."

I took another drink of water to sooth my throat.

"When my siblings left to eat dinner, my otousan stayed behind to look at the clouds.  That is when I made my presence known.  When he heard the sound of footsteps, he turn to see me standing right behind him, staring at the clouds as well.  I later look down at him and said the only thing that came to mind…Ohayo.  He nodded and continued to stare at me.  I sat down beside him and looked at him as well.  I tried to memorize his face into my brain.  I can see how old he has gotten do to his gray hair and wrinkles.  When I looked at him, I didn't see the same man who called me a demon.  I didn't see the same man who uses to hurt me.  I only saw him.  I see him look away and say two words that I longed to hair for so very long…gomen nasai.  He gave me the answer to the question that I was about to ask him.  I felt better that day then I did in my whole life.  Knowing that he regretted his actions about abandoning me and hurting me made me feel that I wasn't at fault.  That I wasn't useless…but it ended differently than I imaged."

I snuggled closer to Sesshoumaru and focus my gaze to the fireplace.

"He asked me to leave…he asked me to go away so that he could live in peace.  He continued to say that I was the one who wouldn't leave him alone.  That I was the one that kept him up all night do to the guilt he felt.  It seems that he would rather place the blame to me then to do so to himself.  I guess that he figures that if he says sorry to me that it will all go away.  Do you know how that made me feel, Sesshoumaru-sama?  Do you know how it feels when someone says they regret everything they did to you but still blames you for the outcome of it?  It is as though a knife is plunged into your heart and someone constantly continues to twist it around and around until it becomes unbearable.  Seeing my face change from happiness to sadness, my otousan said her was sorry once again, but it just made my pain worst.  When I asked him why I couldn't say with him, he said that it would confuse the other children and his second wife.  He knew that I had a soft spot for children, and he used that to his advantage.  Being me, I could not lie to them and say that their otousan was a great man, because he isn't, so I agreed."

I can feel my heart thumping loudly in my chest.  The silence from the room seemed to magnify my heartbeat even more.

"I watched him walk away once again in my life.  I watched him leave me behind like he did so many years before.  I sat there knowing that I would have no relationship with my otousan and my siblings.  I sat there knowing that when I'm gone from this village, I would be lonely while they stayed there and laugh and play like a real family would.  I sat there knowing that I wouldn't be a part of it.  My heart broke once again in my lifetime, so all I could do was watch the clouds in the sky, thinking on how I had nothing else in the world.  So I went on a journey for nothing in particular, until one day I found Ryo."

"Who's Ryo?"

"He was a human who I saved from a bear youkai.  After a few months, we got very close to one another.  I felt that I was in love with him.  He later asked me to marry him, and I agreed, but the wedding would be a year later after the engagement.  I left one day to help fight in one of the human wars that this world had.  He made me promise him that I would be faithful and return to him when I could.  It was nine months later that I returned to him, only to find out that he did not wait for me.  One of the villagers told me that when I was away for the second week, Ryo betrayed me for another human.  I was shocked because he is the one who made me promise to be faithful, yet he does not do the same for me.  So I went in search of him.  I learned from his mother that he got the other girl pregnant.  She also stated that he did not love her, but duty calls for him to be an honorable man.  When I found him by a lake, he declared to me that it was a mistake, that he doesn't want the other girl, but I ignored him.  I didn't want to listen to this human who betrayed me so easily.  He knew full well that he could not break his duty to his family.  So his mother called him to go back home to make arrangements for the wedding.  He left me by the lake, saying how sorry he is that he could not marry me, not that I want to anymore.  I saw him leave me, leave me behind like everyone else did.  It was then, Sesshoumaru-sama that I promise myself that I would not let myself be loved by anyone every again, especially the sort of love between a man and a woman.  I feel that love is nonexistent."

I laugh after I said the last statement.  Sesshoumaru had a confused look on his face, so I decided to explain to him why I was laughing.

"I laugh because of your okasan.  You see, after a few months from my breakup with Ryo, I died at the tender age of 19.  Your okasan was the only person to get a hold on me after that.  She made me realize that not everyone is the same as my parents and Ryo, but I still have my doubts about certain relationships.  Although I do believe that people can have a great liking for each other, love seems to be not real.  You can't blame me, can you?  Considering my past, I would be a fool to fall in love and get love from people who I barely know.  Love, Sesshoumaru, is not real at all."

I feel Sesshoumaru hold me tighter after I said that.

"Why do you say that, Ajika?  No two people are alike.  This Sesshoumaru is one of a kind."

"You can't blame me for having doubts about you, Sesshoumaru-sama.  When I was watching over you and Rin, all I ever saw from you was a stone expression and you never said many words at all.  Love seems like nothing to you.  You do not know that meaning of love, as do I."

"Things are different now, Ajika."

"Hai, I know, but it is those times that some things seem so the same."

We sit in front of the fire for a while and say nothing to each other.

"Why do you feel that you can never receive love, Ajika?"

"Because, Sesshoumaru-sama, why would a stranger love me when my own family wouldn't?"

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~That is the end of Secret Closet!  How did you like it?  Was it sad?  Did it make you cry?  It made me cry and I'm the one who wrote it!  Sorry that it is shorter than the last few chapters.

~Anyway, for those who wrote me e-mails and reviews for the notice I wrote, don't be mad at me.  I didn't want to introduce your character in this chapter since I wanted for it to be only about Ajika's past.  Don't worry though; I will have your characters up by the next chapter.  Be warn, not all of the characters that I received will go up in the next chapter.  I will gradually add in one to two characters at a time through out the story so if you don't se your characters in the next chapter, don't fret because they will be on the next one after that!  So, thank you all who send me your characters!  It will be a blast to write them in my story!

~Oh, my chapters will not be updated as fast as they did last week.  You see, I live in San Bernardino, CA and we recently have 3 to 5 huge fires in the mountains surrounding San Bernardino country.  So lately, I could not go to school or anywhere else since some parts of the freeway is closed down.  Plus, the fire has made my neighborhood look so dark.  You can actually see the smoke in the sky.  You cannot see the sky at all now.  All you are able to see is smoke.  My house is in the middle of the two huge fires (but don't worry.  They are too far to hit my house directly).  They only problem is that we have to conserve energy so I won't be able to go on as much as I want to.  If I find a way to go on the computer somewhere else, then I promise to update soon.

~Anyway, thank you all for reading and reviewing my story.  If I get a lot of reviews then I promise that my chapters will be equally long.  If not, then I'll make them long anyway as long as I get a few reviews.  Well, I got to go.  Ja ne!

Your Pal,  Cookie6****


	14. A Guest To Remember

*Inu Yasha does not belong to me nor does the characters that are mention in the story.

*Ajika (a name that I heard on Tenchi something) is my own little character.

*Ajika sounds like Ah-ji-ka.

* A little OOC (well, it depends on how you describe little).

Words in _italics_ are thoughts by the character(s).

Words that are in **bold** are flashbacks by the character(s).

Words that are in parenthesis ( ) are my thoughts. 

Have fun reading my fanfic!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warning!  I've noticed that when I put my fic in italics and in bold that it sometimes does not show them on my fics.  I'm sorry if the story gets confusing due to the problem, however, if you read carefully you can tell who is saying/thinking the statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the reviews!

CAN IT EVER BE? – Chapter Thirteen ~ A Guest To Remember  Sess P.O.V.

**"Because, Sesshoumaru-sama, why would a stranger love me when my own family wouldn't?"**

_How was I to react when she said those words to me?  Looking at the situation in her point of view, I can understand on her hesitation about letting people love her, but do I want her to hold on to her past with a death grip that might consume her?  My sweet Ajika, how can someone like you be so tormented by those you love?  You remind me so much of little Rin, so innocent, yet so brutally touched by society.  Why is it that the most pure of us all is the one to be destroyed by what we call destiny?_

_I gaze at you now; you so lost in your memories to even know that I am here.   Your eyes water, but no tears run down your face.  You hold your pain deep inside, not letting people see your fears and your loneliness.  Is this how I look to others?  Do I distance myself from love like you do?_

_All I can do now is hold you tighter to me.  I don't know what else to do.  Being Sesshoumaru, I have never allowed myself to feel sympathy for anyone besides Rin.  So, although I do not say it, I am sorry that I cannot do anymore for you.  I hope that you know how I feel about you, my love.  I hope you wait for me, so that you know that these words of love and affection will come out from my mouth soon._

_You fall asleep in my arms, waiting for my reply to your question.  I hope you do not think that I believe your theory.  Even if your family hated you, it does not mean that I will also._

_I wrap a blanket around your frame to keep the chill away from your body.  It's funny how I react around you, my love, but I don't feel ashamed of it either.  I know now that I should not hold my complete affection from you.  You do not need someone who holds back his love because of his pride.  I, Sesshoumaru, use to be that sort of youkai, but for a sweet woman like you, this youkai needs to change his ways, or you might leave him forever._

_My Ajika.  My okasan use to tell me that angel's will always bless you with their presence.  No matter the time or day, they would watch you and protect you when you need them.  She also told me that although strong, angels need help from us to become even stronger in both body and mind.  If we ignore them, they will disappear, but how can anyone ignore an angel from up above?  I don't want for you to disappear from my life.  Now that I have found you, I will never let you go…well, actually, you found me._

_If I could, I would erase your memories for you.  What I don't understand is why you don't do it yourself.  Do you want to hold on to these memories?  Why, when they only bring you sadness?  I guess I will have to wait until later to know the answers to my questions._

_I look at your face and only see a woman whom I feel I do not deserve, but still I will hold on to you.  When I want something, I always get it, and that includes you._

_I brush my fingers across you eyelids, fingering the lashes there.  Your eyes, so like gems to me.  I never saw anyone with two completely different color eyes.  Emerald and sapphire, that is what they look like to me.  Two gems that remind me of the sky, the water, the wind, and life. Almost everything we need in order to live.  Your eyes always sparkle when I look at them.  They sparkle when you play with Rin; they sparkle when you smile; they sparkle when you get angry and they sparkle when you just glance at me shyly from afar.  I hope that they never lose their sparkle, my Ajika.  I hope that day never comes._

_You stir in your sleep.  You seem troubled.  All I can do is ease you till tomorrow.  I press my lips to your ear and whisper words of comforting to take away your worries._

"Sleep, my Ajika.  All will be well.  As long as this Sesshomaru lives, harm will never befall you.  So rest, and cast away your worries, before this Sesshoumaru becomes reckless."

She calms down and smiles in her sleep.  Now I will have to wait till morning before she awakens.  I guess I'll allow myself to rest my body with hers.

How do I tell her that I love her?  All of my life, I've never face this type of dilemma.  Who can I talk about this sort of issue?  Oh, no!   Well, if I must, then I will have to do the unthinkable.  Anyway, I'll do it tomorrow, while she's sleeping.  Nothing is too good or too much for my Ajika.

_-_

**Now it will be Ajika's POV**

When I woke up, I found myself in my bedroom on the futon.  Sesshoumaru must have brought me up here after I fell asleep.  Speaking of which, where could he be now?

Ah…my body feels horrible.  Almost everything is aching.  That is what I get for sleeping the wrong way.  I guess there will be no training for me today.

My body stiffens when a cold wind blows across my body.  I finally relax when I realized whose aura entered my room.

"I would like to have a little talk with you, little kitten."

"Why do you want to talk to me, Inutaisho?"

"Reasons, lets go."

"At least let me freshen up before I go with you."

"…Alright."

What's the matter with him?  Why all of a sudden, he wants to talk to me?  Well, I might as well wash up instead of asking myself questions.

When I was done, I followed Inutaisho to the room that I found him in.  After settling in on one of his many chairs, I waited for him to explain why he needed to talk to me.

His face was set in a frown, but he didn't look angry at all.  He looked at me and his frown went away.  After sighing, he sat on the chair across from mine.

"I wanted to give you some advice about your…predicament."

"Predicament?  What predicament?"

"Don't get mad, but I listen in on your conversation with Sesshoumaru yesterday night."

"You what?"

" I apologize, so please don't get angry.  I really didn't mean to eavesdrop, but to tell you the truth, I'm glad I did."

My anger slipped away after his statement.  Why be angry anyway?  Everyone will find out about my past sooner or later.

"Why, pray tell do you believe that it was right to eavesdrop on my conversations with Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"You believe that love does not exist, am I not correct?"

I nod and look away.

"Little kitten, I don't want for you end up unhappy like Hitomi.  I was foolish enough to ignore her love for me due to my stupidity, but you are smarter than that.  Sesshoumaru isn't the type of man to show affection, but all of us here can see how much that youkai adores you.  He loves you as much as that little girl that follows you around.  What was her name…Rin, I believe.  Please, don't pass it up."

"You are the last one that I would expect advice from."

"Yes, I know.  Little kitten, I regretted my decision once Hitomi died.  I don't want for you to do the same thing.  Do you want to give up on what you have with Sesshoumaru and wonder what it would have been like if anything did happen between you?  When you get older, you will always wonder about what could have been, and it will tear you up inside.  Little kitten, I understand why you don't want to try, considering that you tried to be loved by your family and the one human, but it's better to have loved, then to have not.  Sesshoumaru never lies, especially to one he loves."

"How would you know?"  
  
"I know I haven't been there for him, but I know a liar when I see one.  You and I both know that he isn't lying."

"……………………"

"I have so many regrets, little kitten.  I don't what you to have any regrets in this lifetime.  You allowed yourself to love Rin and you seem very happy since then, so why not allow Sesshoumaru to love you?"

"I see."

I looked at him after he gave me his advice.  I can't believe how much sense he is making.  Do I want to have regrets of what could have been between Sesshoumaru and I?  Probably not.  I do…care for him very deeply.  I guess it wouldn't hurt to try.

"Inutaisho, arigato."

"Hai."

I get up from the couch and leave through the door.  As I walk down the hallway, heading towards the garden, I notice that Sesshoumaru's scent isn't in the air.  Right when I reached the garden, Hitomi walks up to me.

"Sesshoumaru had to leave.  He didn't tell me why, but he seemed determined for some reason."

"I wonder where he went.  It's not like him to get up and leave so quickly."

"Whatever it is, it is not life threatening.  He took Rin and he would never take her along if there were danger.  He also seemed calm and cool."

"But when is Sesshoumaru-sama not calm and cool?"  
  
"…You make a good point."

"Well, where is Jaken?"

"He followed Sesshoumaru and Rin.  They might not be back today."

"That's alright, but what are we going to do to pass the time?"

"We could always play that game that you and Rin play."

"What game is that?"

"The one where you both put peas in your nose and shoot it at each other."

"…You were there?"

"No.  Rin told me.  I must say, I never expected for you two to do such an unladylike thing.  It is quite humorous if you ask me."

"Lets change the subject."

"Ha ha ha.  All right, if you insist. What do you want to do?"

"I asked you first remember?"

"Oh, so you did.  How about staying in this very spot and talking all night long?"

"That seems tiring.  How about sitting down in this very spot and talking all night long?"

"It's sounds great to me.  Lets sit."

"Yes, lets."

Is it just me or do we sound so stupid right now?  Well, it can't be helped.  We both sit on the ground and talked about anything that comes to mind.  I asked her about Inutaisho while she asked me about Sesshoumaru.  Long story short, we had a very short conversation between each other.  Once we got into other subjects, the time flew by very quickly.

As the sunset, we began to finally get hungry.  We both got up to go to the kitchen when I suddenly caught a scent in the air, a very familiar scent.  That can only be one person.

"Ajika.  It looks like we have an intruder."

"Actually, it's not an intruder.  It's a friend of mine.  Can I let her in?"

"Why not?"

We both walked towards the gate to greet our unannounced visitor.  Once we were there, the gate opened on Hitomi's command.  There before us stood a half fire, half water demon named Jellybean.  I was about to hug her when she suddenly launched herself at me, toppling us both to the ground.

"Ajika!  I finally found you!  I miss you so much! Did ya miss me?  Huh, did ya, did ya?!  Ya know you did!  Who wouldn't miss me?  I'm lovable!  Oh, who's this pretty lady?  Is she your friend?  How did ya meet?"

"One question at a time, Jellybean."

"Ajika.  Who is this…energetic girl?"

"Her name is Naomi Kido.  I call her Jellybean due to the fact that she always walks around with a bag of it whenever I see her.  She's 160 years old, which is 16 in human years.  We met when I was looking for Rin.  She allowed me to stay with her on occasions when I needed shelter."

"What are jellybeans?"

"They are little oval shaped candies with many flavors.  They are made in the future."

"Then how did Naomi get a hold of them?"

"Oh, well we both met up with a strange girl who was in trouble.  We both killed the two snake demons that were after her, and she gave us jellybeans as a thank you.  I gave my bag to Naomi, since she wouldn't give up asking me for it."

"I can't help it.  I love jellybeans!"

"What I don't know is how she gets more of these jellybeans."

"Oh, well I taught myself how to make them out of fruit juice, sugar, and a whole bunch of other stuff."

"Well, anyway, we are getting off the subject.  What are you doing here Jellybean?"

"Me, well, I was lonely once you left so I figured that I could help you look for Rin.  I guess you already found her, right Aji?"

"Hai."

"Well, since you came all this way, why not stay here?  I would like to get to know you better.  You don't see a lot of blond haired, green-eyed youkai's around here."

"That is because I'm special.  Is it alright for me to stay considering who this mansion belongs to?"

"Oh don't worry about that.  By the way, my name is Hitomi.  I'm the okasan of the youkai who lives here."

"Your son is Sesshoumaru?"

"Hai.  I'm very proud of my son.  Handsome, intelligent, calm Sesshoumaru.  Just the perfect type for you, isn't he Ajika?"

"What?!"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh, you mean that Sesshoumaru likes our Ajika?"

"That he does."

"That's great.  I told you that you were going to meet someone on your journey Aji!  See, I was right!  I'm always right!  You owe me a meal for our bet, Aji!  Yeah, I get to eat Aji's food again.  This is going to be great!"

"My, that girl is quite loud."

"Hai, but she is a breath of fresh air."

"Aw, arigato Aji.  I didn't know that I was that special."

"Well, lets go inside.  We need to prepare a room for Jellybean."

So the three of us entered the mansion and aired out on of the guess rooms for Jellybean.  I keep asking Hitomi if Sesshoumaru will be angry having someone he doesn't know staying here, but she just tells me to not worry.  All Jellybean does is stares in awe of the mansion.  I guess living in a cave does that to you.  Why do I feel like my life is going to be more hectic with Jellybean here?

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  This room is so huge!  Wow!  What a big bed!  The room has windows!  Windows!  Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!  Look how big the closet is!"

…Yes, life is going to be livelier with Jellybean here.

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~Well, first off I would like to say that I'm sorry that I could not update as quickly as I wanted to.  I'm also sorry that this chapter is so short. I'll make up for it in the next chapter.  A month has pass already and I cannot believe that I didn't update.  This pass month has been hectic for me.  I have midterms left and right, quizzes up to ying yang, and term papers up to wazoo.  I never got the chance to write my story.  That's why I hate school so much.  Anyway, the good news is that I only got one week left before my winter break starts so that means that I have two weeks to write anything I want for this fic!  Doesn't that sound grand?  I have two whole weeks to write more chapters for this fic.  The last time I wrote four chapters in two weeks so I think I can do that again this month.  I bet all of you are happy to hear that!

~ As for the characters that were given to me from the reviewers, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is that I already know what to do with the ones that I received.  All of you will be part of my story from this point on. The bad news is actually for anyone who is late with the character descriptions.  As of today, I'm not accepting any more characters from my reviewers.  I have all that I can handle already.  I didn't think that so many people would want to be part of my cast.  I feel so special.  So please don't think me mean because of this.

~ I've notice that so issues in the story might be confusing for my readers so please, if you have questions, don't hesitate to ask me questions when you review.  From now on, I'm going to comment on the reviews given to me.

-**Reiji**-Ah, my most faithful reviewer.  Thank you for your concern about the fire thing.  It's all contained right now, so there are no more problems here for me.  Yes, I know that the chapters have been depressing lately, but that is intentional.  It's supposed to be a story about people in pain who eventually find true happiness.  I'm conflicted about the ending.  The ending will probably be happy endings so don't worry about it.  If find that I write better with sad dilemmas, so I'll try to write some happy ones to balance the story out.  Thank you so much for your kind complements.  Your reviews always bring a smile to my face.

-**Winter's Fire**- Didn't you have a different name the last time you reviewed?  Thank you for saying that it's a great story.  I try my best for my readers.  Wow, I can't believe that I made you speechless.  That is a writers dream.

-**darkangel68**- You didn't review the first time you read my story?  That is a crime against nature.  I'm just kidding.  It's okay that you didn't review, but I would have preferred for you to.  Don't worry, I won't stop writing just because I don't get a lot of reviews.

-**An Anti-Sheep Cheese Muffin**- Thank you, I try to make my flashbacks interesting and emotional.  I'm pleased that you liked it.

-**animebaby08060**- As you can see, I've updated.  I'll try to update more.

-**HRHPrincessAri**- You skipped chapter 1-3?  I do that sometimes too (we are so bad).  Anyway, I pleased to know that you enjoyed it as much as everyone else did.  I know for sure that there will be more moments where Sess and his parents talk or argue some more.  About Sess going in and out of character, that is intention.  If you read carefully, Sess gets out of character only around people he loves like Ajika, Rin and his mother (notice that it is only around the women).  When he is with his dad or Jaken, he becomes the same old Sess that we all know and love.  You might also notice that when Sess is thinking, he never states himself in third person.  It makes it easier that way, and anyway, no one really knows how he pronounces himself when he is thinking.  Thanks for reading.

-**Lunatic Pandora1**- Don't worry, it all works out eventually.

~ Well, that's all of the reviewers J.  Thanks for reviewing!  I enjoy reading them all.  Remember that after next week (maybe the 13th), I'll be updating more and more.  Hope you enjoyed it.  I got to go.  Sayonara!


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